The Low Family

Potty training

2012-02-11T09:14:00.002-07:00

Potty training is the WORST part of parenting. I am so not a fan of it. It's so unpredictable, what works for one kid, doesn't work on the next. So I'm a fan of waiting until close to 3 years old, when I get struck by a whim and springing on my child one day.

I got struck by that whim 2 weeks ago. My little Henry who followed the mold of potty training right before 3 and being night trained at the same time, has regressed. Oddly, about 8 months after potty training he started having some nighttime accidents. They have come and go, and aren't consistent enough for me to want to put a diaper on him. This fall, he started having day accidents too. OVER A YEAR after he was trained. Things were spiraling downward fast, and all of a sudden he was peeing his pants more than not. I started looking at him like a bad dog. It didn't help that him and G. growled at each other when they were fighting. I had to put a stop to the animal like behavior.

I decided to reward them both with cars for going potty. I didn't know if it would work, but when the idea flew into my head, I had to move on it before the idea flew back out (thus the workings of my brain these days). I told G. I would give him a "NEW CAR" if he went potty. He immediately took his diaper off and peed in the potty. Hmmm, I thought. That was easy. So we kept going with it. That night, he pooped on the carpet. Had to pull out the carpet cleaner, but kept moving forward. It took Henry a few days to earn his first car. But Henry hasn't peed his pants during the day since then. YAY! Still doing the unexpected night accidents with Hen, but I'm still not sure what to do about that.

Henry's challenge is impulse. He is the SORRIEST little boy ever, telling me, "I'm so sorry Mom. I will NEVER do that again." But in the heat of the moment, if he's worried about losing his toy, or his spot at the table, he would rather pee his pants than get up and surrender the moment. I'm glad we've moved past that for now, and I know how to get rid of that habit should it arise again in the future.

G. was pretty much potty trained immediately. He had one wetting accident a day for 3 days, and never pooped in his underpants. I didn't know it was possible to escape the dreaded potty training without the casualty of a few pairs of underpants.

Things are still going great, 2 weeks in. I'm very pleased. He's still not sure he likes it......Today he asked for a diaper. We had to have a complicated discussion about it. You have to be careful not to step on that boy's toes, he will blow up at you. I made the mistake of saying we should save the diapers for baby Walker, and he did NOT like that.

So he is dry day and night, just like the others. I can't quite believe it was so easy. This G. monster keeps me guessing every time. There have been so many "not so easy" things with him.

Oh yeah, and I cracked the whip on growling, so hopefully I got rid of the feral children and can raise these kids like human beings.

Now if I can teach G. to keep his pants on while he pees...... don't be surprised if you see him half naked for awhile, he just doesn't see the need to put them back on when he's done.

Brag (Isaac)

2012-01-24T19:09:00.003-07:00

I have to brag. No, I shouldn't.....Yeah I will, no I won't.
Sorry, I have to. I can't help it. **DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T LIKE BRAGGERS*
(In other words, don't read on unless you are a blood relative.)

We had Isaac's parent teacher conference today. Now Isaac is pretty much the dream oldest child. Bright, responsible, concerned with others, sweet. So naturally we would expect to hear all those things from his teacher at his conference, and we did. She said he is good to help others with their work, nice to people, and excelling in all his subjects. His scores were very high, the only things he seems to lose points on is spelling, and only 1 word per test at the most!

He recently told me that he does his reading group in the library. I was feeling a little bit concerned about this. I thought perhaps he was getting the shaft by this because they didn't have any reading aids to help him in the classroom. The more advanced readers usually don't get help with their reading groups. I felt kind of sorry for him that he wasn't getting the same level of reading help as the other kids. He told me that 6 kids from his class and a few kids from the other classes met together in the library for their reading group. And he LOVES the librarian who helps them.

We learned in the conference that they were able to create a special program for the top readers to go down and do some special activities in the library during their reading time. I then learned about all the things that Isaac had told me he had done (which were pretty cool) and that they were a part of this program. What a neat thing that the principal put together so that these kids no longer get the shaft! I'm pretty excited for him. And my mother bear instincts that made me feel bugged about it have relaxed.

I must also add that I love his teacher. I think she is so nice and doing wonderful things for him. I'm so grateful for good public schools!

G Jesse

2012-01-19T08:47:00.002-07:00

G Jesse will occasionally admit that is his name (although he sometimes only wants to claim the "G") but he will scream at you "I NOT GORDON!!!!" If you try to call him by his full name.

This kid is the world's BIGGEST monster, yet he is still the apple of my eye. He is adorable, charming, fun, but full of mischief. He is harder than the other 4 kids put together. And yet he feeds me with enough sweetness to melt my heart so I don't beat him.

I was just reading my blog from the past (something I do while I feed Walker to keep from getting bored) and I read the letter I wrote to G Jesse when I was sorting out my feelings about him being a boy.

"Whatever you look like, whoever you become, that all remains to be seen. I know that in about 20 weeks we will bring you home in the world’s tiniest monkey suit after the whirlwind which will be your birthday. "

I had to laugh. I.had.no.idea.just.how.much.of.a.whirlwind.his.birthday.would.be! And I had no idea how much of a whirlwind toddler he would turn into.

Dawson lost his other tooth.

2012-01-15T11:18:00.001-07:00

He actually let me pull it out, which wasnt hard since he waited until it was hanging.

Christmas Eve at the Lows

2012-01-11T09:43:00.008-07:00

I don't know if I have any pictures of Christmas. I haven't checked yet. But my brother in law took some great pictures of the Low family party! So at least I have some documentation of Christmas! The most important picture is at the top now. My 5 boys and their personalities. Isaac looking straight at the camera obediently. Dawson sticking his tongue through his missing tooth, and looking off to the side a little. Henry just happy to be there, folding his arms and smiling his crooked smile. G. Jesse not cooperating at all, always keeping us wondering. And Walker being a 2 month old who just wasn't sure why he was out in the cold weather without socks on.

Here is G. Jesse being a shepherd. It only lasted for a few seconds.

G. on Santa's lap. He was hiding in the study with the door closed and a terrified look on his face, but when I told him that Santa had Lightning McQueen he thought it was worth a try, so he came out to face Santa.

Henry on Santa's lap

Isaac on Santa's lap

Santa holding Walker

And Dawson had just asked Santa for an ipad.

Hemangioma

2012-01-05T05:37:00.001-07:00

Walker has a birthmark. It's called a Hemangioma. I had one when I was born just like it only on my head. They usually go away. Walkers has already faded. I know it sounds strange, but i love his birthmark. He is the only one of my boys to get one. It's in a place where you can't usually see it, so I don't have to answer a lot of questions about it. But it is so uniquely him and I love it. I hope it doesn't go away too quickly.

2 month and 4 year check ups

2012-01-03T15:01:00.001-07:00

Took Walker and Henry to dr appts today. Both are growing well and healthy as can be.

Back to the birthday party

2012-01-02T17:42:00.007-07:00

So we borrowed our friend's camera for Walker's birth so we could get better pictures than with our own camera. Unfortunately, Dave never checked to see if it was on automatic in the haste of the delivery, and took a whole bunch of overexposed pictures. Oh well, I have some sweet video of the whole thing, so we will live without the pictures.

Buuuut, my sister in law, Brooke took a few with her iphone and they are classic.

Here is the little guy after shooting through the birth canal in 15 seconds. Not too bad, but...

Here is what I remember seeing. He looks nothing like my children. Look how funny he looks! I said he didn't look like mine, and nurse Wendy assured me he hadn't left the room. And here comes the classic part.

SHE CAUGHT MY FACE! Here I am seeing my baby for the first time. I thought he was really funny looking. Look at the face I am making!

And a shot of me afterwards, after natural childbirth. I really didn't break a sweat. And I felt great.

Luckily, he started looking like a Low after a few hours, and by the next day I thought he was absolutely beautiful. But when people say they were in love with their babies from the start, I can't say I've always felt that way. It takes me a few minutes!

Happy new year!

2012-01-01T00:12:00.002-07:00

Happy new year. I must admit I didn't want 2011 to end. What a wonderful year this was to have my mom live here by us, Dave's parents serve a mission in Malaysia, and to welcome our fifth boy here. Our children are healthy and happy. What more could we want? How could 2012 possibly get better? I'm too exhausted for new years festivities, so after a 5 minute trip to the neighbors house and a kiss from my sweetheart, we took this picture in bed and I'm off to slumberland. Love to all my family and friends. Let's have a wonderful 2012.

2 months old

2011-12-27T22:24:00.001-07:00

Baby walker is officially 2 months old today. His cousin Nicholas was born today as well. I can't wait for these boys to grow up together. Life is wonderful. I am totally enjoying my baby, my kids, and my husband this Christmas break!

6 hours

2011-12-24T11:20:00.002-07:00

Last night was Walker's first 6 hour stretch of sleep. At 8 weeks old. I'm thrilled. I haven't done anything to encourage it, he's completely demand fed, in fact he's demand everything. I let him dictate what he wants to do, and I hold him until he falls asleep. So it makes me think it's just how my kids are, and not any kind of babywise technique. He's an angel, I just love everything about him.

December 6th, Walker's due date

2011-12-23T14:24:00.003-07:00

One day when I was in the NICU the nurse manager for L&D came in to talk to me. She said they were doing a big PR branding thing for our hospital, and they wanted me to give a testimonial. I told her I would be thrilled to and she told me to expect a phone call. In the phone call they explained a little bit more and said there would be a radio ad and newspaper ads that I would be in, a little embarrassing, but no big deal, right?

The marketing company came to my house to meet with me, and before I knew it, they were talking about where they would be filming, and asked if I could go up to the hospital to film as well. Turns out there is a commercial involved as well. They have 1 person from 3 different sections of the hospital for the commercial, and I just happen to be the one representing the women's center. Oh my.

They scheduled the filming for December 6th, Walker's due date. I got to bring him back to the hospital on his due date to visit L&D and the NICU. I even gowned up like I was a patient again. Here was what I wrote from that day.

I had so much fun on Walker's due date! I showed up at the hospital and signed away my life (giving them permission to do whatever they want with the video and pictures). It was so fun to walk in and tell the NICU staff (they are the ones who let you into l&d at our hospital) that I was in labor. They all squealed and came to ooh and ahh over Walker.

When I walked back to L&D I found a studio all set up in the room. Lights all over, a bunch of their crew. I gowned up, but was able to keep my clothes on underneath (phew). They got us arranged in the bed, and then we had to undress the sweet, sleeping Walker. He didn't like that. He wanted to eat then. But we gave him a bottle and took shots in between settling him down with a binky. It was really cheesy and awkward. They did all kinds of strange angles and shots, and while they took videos they also took photos. The advertising director of the hospital explained that they were making brochures with my pictures as well as newpaper ads and bus wraps. My heart stopped beating for a second when she said that. Bus wraps? I have never aspired to seeing my face on a bus! She said that as IHC (Intermountain Health care) owned the pictures they can use them to advertise for any hospital. And that a gal from our hospital has had her picture on a billboard in Salt Lake City for the last year. (PLEASE, no billboards!) Anyway, I guess I don't know where I'll see these pictures pop up. Why do I have to be 17 pounds overweight in these pictures????

Then we got to go back to the NICU. It was so good to be back there. My favorite nurse Susanne was there and she did so well! We went back into a room and hooked him back up to all his monitors. And the NICU scenes were just exactly like the real thing. She walked in, used Avagard on her hands, and smiled as she asked me how we were doing. Then she came down close to me to love on Walker for a minute and chat. It was just like my NICU life. I loved it. We stuck around for awhile afterwards and chatted with the nurses. It was hard for me to want to leave that place again, especially knowing that I won't get to go back in there again ever with Walker. But...... seeing as I skipped a feeding I was blowing up like a balloon, and needed to go home and nurse my baby. So we finally left.

Anyway, I know that's a really long story, but it was a great day. Who gets to go have a major photo and video shoot on their babies due date at the place they were born? I'm pretty sure it will never happen to me again. So I tried to soak it all in.

The next day they came to film at my house. It was pretty crazy. But I managed to farm out my kids and get it done.

The commercial turned out great. They must be professionals to take my goofy stuff and make it look good. It is the 2nd of 3- 30 second commericals on here, so you can skip about 30 seconds into it to see mine.

LRH_3 Spots from FireFly Film & Video on Vimeo.

All 5 Low boys.....

2011-12-22T21:38:00.002-07:00

Have blue eyes
Were born early
Have swirled cowlicks on the exact same spot of their forehead the only partly goes up into their hairline
Had jaundice after birth
Have umbilical hernias
Had long, skinny fingers when they were born
Loved being swaddled
and are really cute in their own unique ways too.

Just FMI

2011-12-22T09:01:00.004-07:00

Which means for MY information. :)

Walker is fast approaching his 2 month birthday (5 days away) and he....

Only JUST started smiling
Still poops alot!
Takes bottles or the breast flawlessly.
LOOOOOVES his binky, doesn't want to spend any waking moments without it
Really prefers being held
Just started sleeping in large enough chunks for me to consider that I slept at all in the night
Doesn't quite fit into 0-3 months yet
Weighs almost 9 pounds
Wears size 1 diapers
Has an amazing amount of gas
Has pretty long eyelashes
Still has acne
Loves baths
Is still like a sleepy newborn
His favorite place is his changing table when the sun is shining.

I must say I have enjoyed Walker more than any other baby. It's not anything about him, just the frame of mind I'm in. I love how small he is, I feel like the newborn stage is lasting longer.

Aside from the moments of panic when my water broke, and those sleepless nights as I worried about infection and prematurity and what each of them would bring, I don't regret his prematurity at all. He's pretty close to his milestones, I know he'll catch up in growth by the time he reaches a year old. I LOVED my NICU experience, I treasure everything about it. I got so many special benefits from it. My labor experience, although not how I imagined it at all (think hippie, that was my goal) ended up being awesome.

I just can't find anything to complain about this experience. It's wonderful. It makes me want to do it again...... but I think I'll wait a bit :)

Walker smiles

2011-12-21T08:34:00.002-07:00

Yesterday Brooke watched my boys. I had to go deliver a box of 400 ounces of breastmilk to be donated to the milk bank. I'm excited to think about all the babies that will be better off because of my milk!

Walker gave Brooke a bunch of smiles, and I was kind of jealous. But this morning he gave me a whole series of adorable smiles. I'm so excited that he reached this milestone. He has also been cooing a little bit. He slept well last night. I just adore this little baby. He's so sweet!

2/1

2011-12-18T07:58:00.003-07:00

Two nights of misery. Two nights of almost no sleep. Two nights of my sweet little baby tensing up in pain every few minutes and wanting to be held through it. Walker started getting an incredible amount of gas all of a sudden. He was clearly in a lot of pain from it, and he wanted to sleep but couldn't. He kept his eyes closed, and fell back to sleep fairly quickly, but the pain of air bubbles in his tiny, premature intestines just hurt too badly. I was really wondering how I would survive more nights like these.

Yesterday I tried to give him Mylecon drops a little more regularly, and the best thing ever happened. He only woke me once in the night! He slept from 11:00 to 3:00 and then I woke him at 7:00 because I was worried about him.

So the good news is, I have renewed hope that I might resume some brain functionality at some point in the future when I get some sleep again. In the mean time, I still enjoy seeing Walker a few times in the night. Just not ALL night.

Stories

2011-12-16T13:57:00.002-07:00

Three stories today.

1. We moved G. into Henry's room. I knew that putting him in a new crib was going to make him realize he could get out. It did. Henry and him were up playing for hours every night, so we moved Henry downstairs. That helped for awhile, but I finally succumbed to my good friend the crib tent.

All the boys came running into the room while I set it up. They were so excited. G. was NOT excited. His little face drooped, then crumpled. "OH MAN!" he said. Kinda stomping his feet he said again, "OH MAN!" It was like he knew he was toast. Luckily his brothers convinced him it was super cool, and within a few minutes he was begging to go to bed in his "house." He likes it okay now, and he's sleeping MUCH more, phew!

2. A week before my water broke with Walker I went to ward temple night. I had just come from L&D getting my steroid shots and they made me super hot. I spent the majority of the session fanning myself with a tiny pink piece of paper. I really considered leaving because I couldn't survive one more minute. It was an excruciatingly hard hour for me. Part of the way through I realized that the girl next to me was pregnant too, and she was pretty hot as well. We ended up chatting a little (as much as you can in these circumstances) and I learned that she had preterm labor as well.

I just went up to the NICU to bring some thank yous and I ran into this girl. I couldn't figure out who she was, but she remembered and told me how I knew her. Her baby came at 33 weeks, and had spent 2 weeks in the NICU. He was going home, but on oxygen. She only got one shot in before he was born, so his lungs weren't strong like Walkers.

For some reason I felt like this meeting was serendipitous. I'm not sure why.

3. I title this story "The poor little rich boys"
For the last year, our family computer hasn't worked. It freezes constantly, and the kind of freeze where you have to hold the power button for 10 seconds and then turn it back on. I haven't used it at all, but the kids have. I have never heard them complain about it, even though it turns off in the middle of their games, etc. They have been so sweet about it.

I threw the computer out a few weeks ago, and I told Dave we had to replace it immediately. But we didn't. And they haven't ever complained about not having a computer. It kinda tears me up to think how sweet they have been to not have a computer and not complain. They have never asked to use mine either. And then I remember that it's pathetic of me to feel sorry for kids not having a computer. How spoiled are we? Will you all hold a telethon for us to raise money for these poor little rich boys? (That is a joke I learned from our bishop). But nonetheless, I am proud of the way they have handled it.

We talked about it last night and Isaac said, "When we get a new computer, I hope it has our family videos." I was floored that was his only request. We talked about how much computers cost and they were shocked. They understood we would have to save up for it. They were ok with that.

I have a new imac sitting in a box under my tree right now......

Dear Santa

2011-12-14T13:04:00.003-07:00

This year for Christmas I don't want you to GIVE me anything. I simply want you to take away my fat. 15 pounds of it please. And actually you can drop it off as a gift to someone who needs it. I'm sure there are some starving people who could use it!

Aaaaaaand, while you're at it, please bring my children an iMac. The tooth fairy does that, she takes the tooth and leaves a gift. So take my fat and leave us an iMac. These kids really deserve it after using the piece of garbage computer we've had for so long. (It is indeed in the garbage). Thanks!
Erica Low
ps, I've been pretty good this year, so if I'm not on the "nice" list I would like to dispute that. :)

Live Nativity

2011-12-12T21:57:00.004-07:00

Tonight we went to a live nativity in Nibley. It was amazing. We saw the sheep, then the donkeys, then the camels and then the people. We walked out and as a bonus they had a zebra and a zonkey. That was the highlight for the boys, truthfully. They had a hayride with horses pulling it, and they sang jingle bells as they rode. It was so fun. G. was terrified of the animals, but he claimed he liked them. We ran into 2 families that we know. One of the families with 4 girls, the other family with 4 boys. Those are our peeps! It was a fabulous family night. We came home to hot chocolate, and Walker had warm milk. :) Wish I had pictures.....

The best part of the night. As we were leaving I picked up G. and he was wiggling to get down and saying something. I thought he was saying he wanted to walk, but then I realized what he was worried about.... Where did Walker go? I told him Dad had him and then he was fine. I LOVE how these boys look out for each other. How can they love this tiny little person who doesn't really interact with them at all? Why doesn't he resent him and wish I HAD left him behind? It's amazing. These brothers have such a bond. You could almost convince me they brought it here with them.....

Happy Due Date

2011-12-06T07:45:00.002-07:00

Today is our due date! And as I hold a probably 8 pound baby, I can't imagine that people are carrying these things around inside them. And then they deliver them! Holy cow. This baby is starting to feel pretty heavy to me. I now prop him up while he eats because he is heavy in my arms. And I can't believe his chubby cheeks!

At almost 6 weeks old and on his due date Walker.....

Weighs about 8 pounds
Eats really well, obviously
Still has never cried beyond being picked up and soothed for a second
Has developed acne :(
Loves his baths
Holds his head up well
Has the intelligent look in his eye like he wants to smile, and has given me a few almost smiles
Does NOT sleep through the night!
Does sleep one 5 hour chunk
Still has his hair, and the hair on top grew. Most people would call him bald, but we've had babies much balder than this.

And we.....

I- still have never felt bugged by him in the night. I LOVE to be with him and feed him. I feel sad that he has changed so much and grown so big even though I know it's what he is supposed to do and it means he is healthy. I have realized he has way too many newborn/preemie clothes, and I wish he could wear some of them more often. I don't think I have ever enjoyed a baby more than this, partly because of his sweet personality, but partly because I am in a different frame of mind, and was ready to devote all my energy to this baby. (When G. was born I put my energy toward the basement and I didn't enjoy him nearly as much) I have loved my time with this baby, we are so bonded, and he is so sweet.

Isaac- Calls him "this guy" Always wants to hold "this guy" and gives me a play-by-play of every single facial expression he makes. Can carry him around quite well.

Dawson- Holds him occasionally, talks and plays with him frequently. Is working on names for the next boy and prays for our next baby.....oh boy.

Henry- asks constantly to see or touch him. Just for a second. He just gazes at him for a second or touches him lovingly, just to get his fix.

G.- still says, "I wanna hold it." And an "it" is just what he sees Walker as. Jealousy hasn't been an issue at all since we've been home.

Dave- is proud of Walker and me. Lets me do most everything, but is the cutest daddy to Walker on the rare times I let him hold him.

Random

2011-12-01T08:14:00.003-07:00

1. I got to give Walker his first bath. How cool is that? I spent that first hour with him in the delivery room and then Wendy (NICU nurse) took him to check him out. His glucose level was in the 30's and needs to be over 50, so he was admitted. Because I didn't have an epidural, I was walking and could go visit him quickly. I don't remember what time this was, but I showed up to feed him and Wendy let me give him his first bath. All the other kids were bathed right away, but Walker's circumstances made it so I could do it.

2. The first little while in the NICU they would only let me spend 30 minutes trying to get Walker to eat. They didn't want him to wear out, and they also told me that when babies are sleeping their brains grow, so I needed to let him sleep. Interesting.

3. Babies don't get to go back to the NICU. If you go back to the hospital, you are sent to the Pediatric floor as the baby is"contaminated". So you really don't want to leave the NICU until the baby is good and ready! But Walker gets to go back to the NICU..... on his due date! He will be filmed for a commercial. I'm so excited. I miss them there, it will be fun to go back.

39 weeks

2011-11-29T16:10:00.002-07:00

Next week is my due date. Took Walker for a weight check today (dr ordered 3 weekly weight checks). He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz. He's right on track to be 7.5 pounds at 5 weeks. Over 2 pounds weight gain in 5 weeks. Healthy baby! He does have a little cold, but nothing in his lungs so far, so not too worried. Love this little boy. He's sleeping on my chest right now. I'm blessed.

He's pretty cute...

2011-11-23T16:48:00.003-07:00

And his hair sticks up after his baths

The story of Walker's birth

2011-11-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

Warning- graphic in nature

I have typed up every tedious detail in his birth story. I love to remember these things for later.

The short version is that the week before he was born I went to L&D thinking I was leaking fluid, they told me no. A few days later the leak became obvious right after I got Isaac off to school. I laid in bed not wanting to lose any fluid and hoping that I could stay at the hospital and keep him inside for awhile. We kept him in for 2 more days, long enough for 2 more steroid shots to kick in, and induced on Thursday Oct 27th. Contractions became regular by 8:30 am and he was born at 11:25 am without an epidural. He stayed in my room with me for an hour and then they took him to the NICU.

The long, tediously detailed version

On Thursday night (10/20) we took a trip to L&D. For two days I had noticed that things were quite drippy, unlike anything I have ever experienced in pregnancy. I agonized over it, pretty much knowing that they wouldn't find anything, but worrying about the what if. My sister in law spent a lot of time talking it over with me, and we decided it was best to know for sure what was going on. So Dave and I went in for a very quick visit to L&D. It was only an hour and a half, they did two tests which were negative for amniotic fluid. I was monitored with practically no contractions the whole time. We went home and moved on. Every night though, when I would get up for my potty breaks, I would feel like an accumulation came out. I would turn on the lights, get all stressed as I tried to figure out what was going on. I even used ph strips, but the ph just wasn't high enough. On Monday night, the same thing happened, but I was sick of waking up for nothing, so I just ignored it and went back to sleep after my potty breaks.

I woke up at 6:00 am, as I had been doing most of the time. I just couldn't sleep in for some reason. Did my regular morning thing, ate breakfast, checked stuff online, got Isaac to school, and I was hoping to slip a bath in before getting Henry off to school. I went into my bathroom for my hourly visit, and as I was more alert this time, I noticed more dripping. I thought about it for a minute, and then I squatted on my bathroom floor and put my hand underneath me. It was pretty wet. I knew immediately it was all over. I laid right in my bed, squeezed my legs together, and started making phone calls.

I first called Dave at work. He was teaching, but I had the secretary interrupt him. I told him my water broke and I think he pretty much walked right out of his class. He was in the car and on his way so fast! I then called my mom and asked her to come watch the kids. Next I called Brooke, my sister in law, and asked her to come up and drive me to the hospital. She is a nurse, so I felt really comfortable with her driving me. Her kids are also in school, so I knew it wouldn't be too hard.

Lastly I was going to call the dr's office. I realized that it was Tuesday, which is my ob's surgery day. I just didn't feel like talking to a nurse. I remembered that my ob had given me his cell phone number. So I called it! He was going to be spending the morning shopping with his wife, and then coming in for surgery. I asked him if I could stay pregnant and he told me that if I hadn't delivered by the following day I would be induced. I begged him to reconsider. He told me he'd see me at the hospital.

I was so sad. I really didn't feel ready to have a baby. I knew it wasn't time yet. I felt totally puzzled as to why it happened. I wished I could just go back to sleep and wake up having not happened.

My little Dawson overheard my phone conversations and was worried. He kept asking me if I was excited to see baby Walker. He couldn't understand why I said no. Poor kid, kids hate seeing their mom upset.

Brooke came up quickly, and helped me get ready. She got me clean underwear and clothes and dressed me. She packed the remaining things in my bag. All the while, I was laying in bed trying to keep my fluid inside. My mom arrived, and so did Dave. Dave was just so panicked that I was going to deliver in the car. I told him it wasn't urgent, I wasn't in labor. I walked outside and Brooke had the car nice and warm for me. I reclined the seat so I was laying down as much as possible, and off we went to the hospital.

When we arrived, I somehow kept questioning myself. Did this really happen? I kept asking if Brooke thought I was faking it. I walked up to the window at L&D and she started asking for my information. Then she asked if I was okay to stand there. I told her not really, so she wrote down my name and said she would take care of the rest. It was SO nice of her. I went back and got a room. I laid down and I believe my first nurse was the manager of the floor. She tested me for fluid, and it was positive. I laid perfectly still. She asked me if my blood pressure was typically high. I told her it was never high. I can't remember for sure what the reading was, but it was quite high. A few readings later it had gone back to normal. I think I was so stressed out about everything that caused it to be high, but having settled in at the hospital, I was calmed down a bit.

I was given a "rescue dose" of betamethasone for his lungs. My doctor agreed to consult with a perinatologist in Ogden about my situation and see if he thought waiting to deliver was okay. They wouldn't stop labor, but the wouldn't force it either. I chose to not leave my bed the entire day, I used a bedpan even to avoid it. My dr gave me a quick ultrasound and it showed that there were small pockets of fluid still, so it was definitely a leak. He told me that the baby would continue to make fluid.

Brooke stayed with me through the day. Dave was a little stressed, so I sent him out to do some things. I really wondered if Dave would see the birth or if labor would start and he wouldn't have time to make it back to the hospital. I had a hair appt that morning that I missed, and that evening, my wonderful hair dresser came and did my hair so I would look pretty for delivery. Contractions came that night for a few hours, they were pretty close together, 3 minutes I think, but then they went away. Some time that evening Mel the NICU nurse came in to talk with me. He said, "You're going to ask me when you're going home and I'm going to ask you when your due date is." I kept reassuring him that it wouldn't be that long, that I had healthy preemies. He said 3 weeks minimum. I was determined to prove him wrong and I did. We made it home in 2.5 weeks! But he did make me very worried. I was choking back tears.

The next morning came and I was still pregnant. And ultrasound tech came and checked everything out. He measured 33 weeks, and 5 lbs 4 oz. She said his head was nice and round. My fluid had replenished so well that I was in the normal range. Normal is between 7 and 28, and I was at 14. I wasn't leaking as much anymore, so I felt pretty stable. The perinatologist said if I wanted to wait until 35 weeks I could unless I developed an infection. But he recommended delivering 24 hours after a second dose of betamethasone. My doctor said, "The only thing worse than a preterm baby is an infected preterm baby." The decision was between delivering Thursday and waiting until Monday. I leaned toward the first option and Dave leaned toward the second. But both doctors preferred the first option, so I decided to go with that. I didn't like the idea of risking infection. Knowing what I know now after seeing infected babies in the NICU, I feel SO good about that decision.

I had the BEST nurses throughout this process. They were all so nice, and so capable.

Dr. Fowers told me to take a shower on Wednesday and do a little walking Thursday morning to see what happened. Oddly, it didn't start any contractions at all. So Pitocin was started around 7:30 or 7:45.

My nurse was named Dawn, and I don't think I could have had anyone better for my labor. She thought it was so weird to be blasting me with pitocin at 34 weeks, it's uncommon. She started it slow, and didn't have to turn it up too high before the contractions started at 3 minutes apart. I think they started a little after 8:00. She said the average person gets up in the high teens, low twenties of pitocin, but I was in labor at only 8. She checked my cervix and it was 3 cm and 60% effaced. My doctor came in a few minutes later and said I was 3 and 80%. She looked skeptical, but thought perhaps I had changed that quickly. I asked him to check to see if there was a forebag, which there was, so he broke it. That's why I hadn't been leaking as much.

I not only got to have my ob there, but also my pediatrician. They stuck around for awhile thinking it might be only a few minutes, but it wasn't quite as fast as we imagined. In the first hour I mostly sat on the ball, and it wasn't too bad. I changed from 3 to 5 cm and maybe 80% effaced. I tried hard to empty my bladder as much as possible so he could drop. I worked to get Dave to support me through contractions, which he wasn't too excited about, but he did it. I called Brooke and asked her to come since I wasn't sure how much help Dave would be, and my mom was with the kids. I spent the second hour on the ball as well, and after an hour of pain there was no change. I was disappointed.

I should say that these contractions were not painful for very long. I pulled out the contraction app to see if they were even long enough to be doing anything. It only hurt for about 20-30 seconds at the peak, the rest was fine. In between contractions I felt great. So while it wasn't pain free by any means, it was totally do able. I just kept thinking about my friend Carrie and how she had a natural birth with her water broken and pitocin. She told me I could do it too, and I held onto that when I was feeling pain.

Dawn told me if I could get him to drop it would be over fast. I asked for some Fentanyl. She came to put it through my IV, and I changed my mind. Mostly because I didn't like the idea of feeling better for awhile, and then feeling worse again. It seemed like it might be better to just stay in pain. She increased my pitocin to 10. So I decided to move around a little more and see if he would drop. I got on my hands and knees, sat up, laid in the lateral position, sat on the ball, and even tried a contraction on the toilet which I hated. She checked me and said I was completely thinned out and a 6.

Dawn asked if I was feeling pressure with my contractions and I told her I was. She called the doctor. This was 11 minutes before he was born. I felt more pressure and went to the bathroom. The contractions were coming really close now and I was cranky about it. I didn't want them so close, even though I knew it meant the end was almost there. When I came out of the bathroom, the doctor walked in. I laid down and he checked me at 7 cm 100% effaced and 0 station. I was sad because I thought I should be ready to push. When I said that my doctor told me I didn't have to wait until I was 10 cm to push. Little did I know it was only 6 more minutes until he was born. The nurse called the pediatrician in saying it was close, and he was only in the room for a minute before birth. It was all perfect timing.

I had a terrible contraction in which I bit Dave on the chest. I knew that was a stupid thing to do, so I bit his shirt on the side and tried not to scream. The contraction ended, but the pain didn't really go away. I was so mad to not have a break in between contractions that when the next one came I started saying, "I can't, I can't, I can't." After 10 second of that contraction, the pain was unbearable. I was waiting for the urge to push, but I didn't feel it. No one told me I could push, I was waiting for someone to tell me to. But when that pain was unbearable I made the decision mid-contraction to just push. Exactly 15 seconds later he was born. One push was all it took. I won't lie, it hurt pretty darn bad. But when he was all out it felt so much better.

He was blue and not crying at first. Dr. Fowers was suctioning him out and he let out a small, gurgly cry. He showed him to me really fast, and then took him over to the NICU nurse and my pediatrician. They cleaned him up a little, puffed out his lungs a little, and weighed him. Would you believe his weight was exactly what the ultrasound predicted? I was impressed. Dr. O'very looked at the bottoms of his feet and declared that we were looking at a true 34 weeker. I guess he was hoping my dates were off and we would have an older baby.

My natural childbirth (forced by Pitocin) took only 3.5 hours. And I did it! The last few minutes were so painful, but I really don't need an epidural for only a 10 minutes.

Now I was told that there was no chance I would nurse this little guy in my L&D room. They would take him straight to the NICU. But my cute NICU nurse, Wendy said, "I'm going to let him stay and play for an hour." So I got to keep him in there and nurse him. He took awhile to find any interest, but he did nurse and it was awesome. I was so pleased.

When they handed him to me for the first time, I was startled. He didn't look at all like I expected him to. In fact, I said that he didn't even look like he was mine. Wendy assured me he hadn't left the room, so he must be mine. His face looked so long and skinny, and his hair is a little darker than even Henry's I think. I actually thought he was kind of funny looking. I thought that for most of the first day. Now he looks like a 50/50 split of Henry and G. to me. He has the eyelashes like G. (hopefully stays that way), dark hair like Henry, face shape like Henry, but head shape more like G. Eyes like....all of them looked the same at that age. No dimples, and only a small cleft in the chin. Nose, I would say like Henry. Now of course, I think he's beautiful.

I felt so good after delivery that I hopped off the bed and walked upstairs. I was very pleased with the whole process and very happy that I felt so good.

NICU Photobomb

2011-11-21T07:51:00.014-07:00

So the NICU has pretty much terrible lighting. At least our room, couldn't even see the light of day. Imagine that, 2.5 weeks before you ever see your child in the light of day. It was kind of cool to see him in reality. Anyway, I couldn't seem to catch a picture of him that looked decent. That is partly due to the lack of good equipment.

Luckily this adorable nurse in the NICU is a photographer as well. She is expecting a boy and really wanted an owl hat like Walker's. So we traded a hat for some photography (I got the better end of the bargain by far). I think I already wrote this story, but oh well.

She came back a second time to take some pictures with some better lighting. So this is the second photo shoot with a little bit crisper photos, but less alert baby. She is so awesome. What a great blessing that I had her!!!

Have you noticed how busy Walker's hands are? They are always up messing with his face!

I went to snuggle him every feeding whether it was a breastfeeding or a gavage. I would snuggle him like this while they pushed the milk through his tube. I didn't want to miss any moments with him. And that was made possible by a fantastic dad, grandma and grandpa, and some good friends who offered their time and 2 days with a nanny. There were some other people involved, but my brain isn't functioning enough to remember who right now. But thanks to all those people, I could be at the hospital 20 hours a day with my baby.

Is it terrible?

2011-11-20T21:27:00.019-07:00

Is it terrible that I enjoyed my time at the NICU with Walker? I mean of course I am loving being home. But I keep having people commenting about how hard it must have been for me to have him there, and I'm not sure how to respond. Do I lie and shake my head saying, "yes, it was so hard." or do I make myself look a little weird saying that I actually enjoyed it?

I lived at Logan Regional Hospital for 20 days. Here are some reasons why I liked it, and some pictures to show you my experience.

1. It was just me and him. I spent a few hours with the kids in the morning, and the rest of the day was just me and Walker. We bonded, we snuggled, it was great. I nursed him uninterrupted which would never have happened at home.
2. I had the best nurses ever, and we had so much fun together. Seriously, I LOVED them. We had wonderful, quiet talks behind my closed curtain in my room. We had hilarious, loud talks by the front desk. They were probably glad to get rid of me, but I was sad to leave them. All of the NICU staff are like a family. It was a privilege getting to spend 2.5 weeks with them. Oh yeah, and they took great care of Walker too. ;)
3. I learned things in the NICU, and I LOVE to learn. I learned amazing things medically, I even learned more about baby care, which I thought I had a pretty good handle on after raising 4 of them. I tirelessly ask questions, and I love to have them answered by someone other than Google.
4. The facility is amazing. I don't know how many NICU's are like ours. Ours is huge. We had our own room the whole time, and it was quite large. It has a big curtain, so we had privacy as we nursed.
5. Common bonds. It is an organization formed by parents who have been through the NICU experience. They provide snacks for all the parents, gifts every day or two that they leave in your room (not small gifts either, they were pretty substantial some days and they really brighten your day), and they provide a camera and printer so you can capture moments of your baby when you are unprepared.
6. As I'm typing this I'm just realizing that every new mother would like an instruction manual for their child. I felt like for 2.5 weeks I had one. My own personal nurse taking constant care of my baby and helping me with every decision. I looked at them with helpless eyes when I couldn't figure out how to make that baby eat. They responded with so much experience. I have raised 4 babies..... Who knows how many they have taken care of, but.....quite a few more I'm sure! They changed most of the diapers and weighed each diaper to make sure everything was in order. They were certain to alternate sleeping positions to keep his head nice and round. They bathed him every other day. They helped me decide how best to feed him for that particular day to help him the most. They weighed him before and after he ate so that we knew how much he was getting and how much we needed to supplement through his ng tube. And they called me when it was time to feed him. Goodness, they handed me a fresh blanket and burp cloth and offered me a drink with every feeding. It was wonderful.

I wish I could let you all in to my experience there, it was so special. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It wasn't hard at all, it was a pleasure. I worry that I will feel like I'm missing something if I don't have a NICU stay with my next baby. I know that sounds so weird!

Pre and Post weights to see how much he ate (measured in grams)- yes I have many chins, and yes, I hope to transfer them to my baby!

He was in room 2 which has "Angel Baby" written on the wall. It was so appropriate, he was the most angelic baby in there I think. He was really well behaved. Still is. That recliner was where I sat every 3 hours.

The pump that fed him.

Our little wired up baby. We've gone wireless now. :)

His cute little feet

Notice how big my hand is next to him. He was so tiny. It makes me crazy that he's grown so much already.

Every time we fed him we had to match the number on his ankles to the number on the label of the milk I pumped. That way I never fed him someone else's milk! I was kind of sad cutting off his shackles when we got home. He's no longer a prisoner... I mean patient!

Look how small he is next to my cell phone. And I have a small cell phone!

The equipment side of the room. monitors, oxygen, etc.

Coming

2011-11-17T09:01:00.002-07:00

I've been working on a post about my delivery. It's been a draft for well over a week. For some reason I feel totally compelled to record every single detail, so it will be a long one. I'll finish it up soon.

Until it's done, here is a random tidbit about premature babies (for those who know me well, you know I want to know everything, I ask a ton of questions)

We had our pediatrician at the delivery because of Walker's prematurity. He didn't have to do much, Walker got apgars of 8 and 9, so he was a pretty standard delivery. But as soon as they put him on the isolette to clean him up, the doctor announced that it looked like the dates were correct based on the bottoms of his feet.

Bottoms of his feet? I had to ask him about that. He told me he was hoping we weren't dealing with a true 34 weeker. But when he saw how smooth the bottom of his feet were, he knew that Walker really was at the beginning of his 34th week. So I googled pictures of baby feet. And sure enough, most baby feet have deeper lines in them, but Walkers were smoother. Now he is 37 weeks, and the lines on his feet look a little more prominent to me. Not that I have much of an eye for it, but I thought it was a fascinating thing to learn.

HOME!

2011-11-16T14:56:00.002-07:00

We are home and having a wonderful time. The boys are all desperately in love with their brother. He has been very pleasant so far (although the dr predicted him to be colicky/refluxy, we are enjoying him now). The hardest thing for me was leaving the hospital. I kind of felt like I was kidnapping their baby. He lived there for 2.5 weeks, and suddenly I stole him and took him to my house. He had also been monitored his whole life and they let me take him home and put him in a crib unmonitored? And the first time he woke me up in the night, I was so confused/disoriented. I always woke up to a phone call from his NICU nurse telling me it was time to feed him. But it's been great, and I have enjoyed every second. I still haven't figure out how to do a few thing (like mop the floor) with 5 kids, but I'm sure it will all come in time. I just don't ever want to put him down.

So despite the tears I shed at leaving our NICU family behind, I feel totally fulfilled as the mother of 5. I keep thinking I must understand how Michelle Duggar feels now, but I guess we have a 15 child discrepancy, so maybe not.

20 grams

2011-11-12T18:17:00.003-07:00

We will weigh this little baby in a few hours and if he gains 20 grams, we go home in the morning! Woohoo!

I must admit I'm a little bit nervous about going home. These nurses have been taking such good care of Walker, now they want me to do it? I'm sure I can do it, but it is kind of scary.

11/10

2011-11-10T21:27:00.005-07:00

Today Walker is 2 weeks old. He is doing sooo much better with eating. This morning he pulled out his feeding tube, so we went with it! Today we got mostly feedings in the 30s, but it's good enough. He gained 9 grams today, so as long as he gains again tomorrow night and doesn't need a new feeding tube put in, we will go home Saturday!!

Here he is in his "coming home" outfit. I got antsy, and had to put it on early. It's so cute. He's so cute. We have spent so much time snuggling, he is the cuddliest little baby. Still very sweet, but doing really well when it's time to eat. He's really going for it now. Hopefully he can keep going, won't lose energy, and can keep "nippling" all his feeds so he can graduate!

Update 2 weeks old

2011-11-09T21:46:00.002-07:00

Walker is 2 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe it. It's been a wonderful 2 weeks with him, he is so sweet. I have been noticing that the other babies in the NICU are much crankier than him. I'm starting to think he really does have a sweet personality. He is now the senior NICU patient. All the other babies have come and gone. The nurses are so in love with him, they don't mind him staying a little longer.

Last night we had some good feedings finally. Today we had 2 that were good, so we decided to go for a third. He got 48/50 ml, so really good. We are thinking in another day or two we will be able to get the NG tube out, and if he can maintain weight gain without it, he will go home in a few days. We'll see how he does, but it's looking good. He's turned the corner anyway. He was stuck for awhile, so it's good to see progress.

At 2 weeks old he has passed his birth weight by a few ounces, so that is great. He is still a decent color, and not on the lights.

11/5

2011-11-06T05:45:00.002-07:00

When I went down for our 9:30 feeding this morning, Walker was wearing clothes!!! The doctor had taken him off of the lights. It was so fun to hold him and see him in clothes. He's so stinkin' tiny, it's so cute. The doctor also ordered to try nursing at every feeding, but after pushing him to do that for a few feedings, he had a bradycardia and a de-sat and my nurse thought that we better back off. So now we're trying two breast, one gavage (tube feed). Last night we got 39 and then 18. So it shows that he doesn't have the energy to do as much the second time in a row. I'm going to talk with the dr this morning, and try to explain to him that I don't want to push this little guy too hard. Personally, I think his bilirubin is going to jump up again.

Walker had a photo shoot today. One of the nurses in the NICU is pregnant and she asked if I would make her one of my owl hats. She agreed to take pictures of Walker in exchange for a hat (unfair trade, I'm going to really try to pay her!) What could be better than a photographer who knows her way around the NICU already? She knows what to do with all the wires, etc. Where they keep the cute blankets. It was awesome! I'm going to talk to the new manager of the NICU and recommend that they offer this to all the parents. It will be so cool to have this experience documented, and she is really good! I think a good photographer can make the pictures look better than real life, and hers definitely did. She will be working tomorrow and she said she'd bring the camera and take a few more. I can't wait!

Update 1 week old

2011-11-03T20:48:00.005-06:00

Today baby Walker is 1 week old. You would never guess by looking at him. He's still as small and sleepy as a newborn. Due to the force feeds (gavage is what they call it) through the tube, he has been able to get the nutrition necessary to keep his weight up. He dropped to 4.15 at the lowest, and is up to 5.2 today. His bilirubin is fairly low, but doesn't drop. I think we've kept that down through the gavage and early intervention with phototherapy. It's around 9 or 10. G. Jesse's was up to 22. So you can see how much better this little guy has done due to his hospitalization.

His vitals continue to be strong, heartrate, oxygen, breathing, temperature are all stable. We are just waiting on him to wake up and eat! Dr. O'very was in this evening and he said that once he takes 100% of his feeds through a nipple (they call it "nippling"), if he's averaging a weight gain of 20 grams a day for a couple of days, then we go home. So at any given time we are at least a few days away from coming home, even if we have success in nippling all feeds. On the one hand it seems like overkill to me, but when I think about it, I really don't want the stress of him home without that.

I've seen a lot of babies come and go though. One of his next door neighbors came in really sick in quite an emergency. I think he left tonight. Even miss Evelyn next door will likely beat Walker home. Although, she is declining which is sad. She's full term, she should have gone home already! She got the feeding tube and was put back on lights and oxygen. Her parents are very friendly, and I kind of like having them around, so I don't mind if she stays!

Today, our 9:30 am feed was our best yet! He got 48 out of 50 ml, so nearly perfect. 12:30 was gavage and 3:30 we got 6 minutes of nursing with only 19 ml. I was kind of disappointed, but I do understand he just needs time. The nurses are still quite impressed with him, and the lactation consultant (Her name is Liz, and she is probably our favorite NICU nurse) skipped right over him. There is nothing wrong with him, he latches great, sucks great, he just can't keep it going. That is quite good for a 34 weeker, so I can't be mad at him!

I'm still enjoying my time with this little guy. He is so sweet and delicious. I love holding him and being with him.

Day 6

2011-11-01T17:06:00.002-06:00

Tube feeding every other feeding did great things for Walker. He is supposed to get 50 ml in each feeding, but he got as high as 38 I think from the breast. Yesterday he had gotten as little as 3 ml. After all attempts to breastfeed, he tube feeds the difference. They weigh him before and after eating without letting anything else change (diaper, blanket, etc) and they see the difference between the two weights. Then the rest is put through his NG tube. On the other feedings, we don't even try to breastfeed, he rests while getting it all through his tube.

Today the doctor thought that we were successful enough that we should bump it up. 2 feeds at the breast, 1 tube feed. We tried and it didn't go well, so we are going to back off and go back to every other.

The doctor also said to take him off of phototherapy today. I was not happy with this decision. For some reason, he came back a few minutes later and looked at his results from this morning. His bilirubin had gone up, and while still below the danger zone, the fact that it's rising tells us that his liver still isn't working that well. Personally, I think the only reason his levels are as low as they are is because of the lights, we never let them get high. He looks really good though, I've never had a baby with a white torso before. His face is still yellow, but not glowing, and the whites of his eyes actually is pretty white.

His weight was down to 4.15 , but is now back up to 5.2. So weight is looking great, almost to birthweight.

He still doesn't have the energy to cry really, he goes right back to sleep when you put him down. He is so sweet to hold, he just sleeps in your arms. I am loving my time with him, I don't mind this NICU stay at all.

It's poor Dave that has to do all the hard work at home. He is pretty much Super Dad though. I'm so proud of him. He's doing a great job and is so supportive.

Walker update

2011-10-31T12:06:00.002-06:00

Time for another update on Mr. Walker.

He's starting to act his age. He really doesn't have the energy to nurse very much. Yesterday I think we only had 1 good feed. My milk is in though, so I am pumping and they put it through the feeding tube which goes down his nose. The tube makes him sneeze, and he'll sneeze 7 or 8 times in a row, but only if it gets irritated. The nutritionists want him to have this stuff called Neosure which has 22 calories instead of 20, but he has spit it up every time. He hasn't tolerated formula at all, so we have been lucky to have him in the NICU where they have pasteurized human breastmilk for him if I don't have enough. He's getting most of his feeding through the tube, but yesterday they took out his iv, so all his fluid is coming from breastmilk.

His bilirubin went down yesterday, but up a little today, so we'll see what happens with that.

His nurses are incredible. I have liked all of them that he has had. There is a group of former NICU parents called Common Bonds that does nice things for the parents there. They leave me goodies and cards, they provide a camera and printer for parents there, they are really nice. We even got a crocheted flannel blanket, it's green and cute. Today they are dressing them up, and they had quite a few little costumes. He is going to be Shrek. We can only keep his on for a picture since he's still on lights, but I can't wait to see some of the other babies in their costumes. There aren't very many babies in there, maybe 3 or 4. Evelyn seems to be doing better now, and I've enjoyed chatting with her parents now that she doesn't scream 24/7.

We are now skipping a feeding to see if Walker will save up some energy for the next meal. I'm on my way down there right now, so we'll see if he performs or not.

Today

2011-10-29T17:52:00.004-06:00

Today I was officially discharged from the hospital. But I will be staying in my room on a "hotel" stay which is only $15 a night. It's a wonderful thing that they do that for the NICU parents, then I can continue to go back and forth. My schedule is like this.
-Exit the Mother/Baby unit
-Take the Elevator downstairs
-Enter the NICU
-Scrub up to the Elbows
-Find Walker usually getting his diaper changed (They change the diapers usually and they always weight them)
-Weigh him before the feed
-Sit down and they hand me my baby and a clean blanket and burp cloth
-Hope that he eats well, and sit there doing everything I can to make that happen- usually takes about an hour even though they say they will only give me 3o minutes
-Weigh him to see how much he ate and wait for threats on what they will do next
-Put him away, and make sure he's all hooked up where he needs to be
-Come back to my room
-Pump for 15 minutes, collect milk and clean pumping supplies
-Go to the bathroom
-Try to get some rest for maybe an hour before my 3 hours is up and I start all over again.

So I'm usually getting no more than 1 hour of sleep at a time. Sometimes I have skipped pumping to have a little extra time. And frequently, a phone call or meal takes up part of my sleep time.

So I'm a little tired. I find myself falling asleep in the chair with Walker, which I'd rather not do right now. It's such a different kind of fatigue though, pregnancy fatigue is your whole body all the time. New mom fatigue is a little more like you can push through the tiredness, but if you sit down and relax you can fall asleep instantly. It's a lot more pleasant. Not to mention that I can get comfortable while I sleep, which is wonderful.

Today Walker had at least 2 feeds that were a complete bust. He won't eat for anything during those meals. He won't take a bottle, binky, anything. He is completely uninterested, whether asleep or awake, he's not doing it! He had 1 feed that was decent, and then 1 that was perfect. The volume is increasing, and he was doing a lot of gulping the last time, he seemed very grateful for that.

Even in the best feeds though, the NICU nurse said he is only getting 1/3 of what he is supposed to. So we have been getting threats all day to put in a feeding tube. He is also going to be getting some kind of 22 nutrient something or other supplement every day now. Sounds gross. Helps him get some extra nutrients that a pretermer needs.

His jaundice was up today, but only a little bit. And it dropped on the graph to a lower section. So that was good news, although even if they tell me to, I don't want to take him off the lights yet. I think it will take awhile for his liver to catch up and really break down the bilirubin. Right now, it's probably just from the lights.

His breathing is spectacular. His temperature is good. His heartrate drops occasionally and sets off the monitors. There is no specific reason for this, so the nurses aren't worried about it now. His oxygen levels are almost always perfect. And as far as I know, he hasn't dropped below 5 pounds. The last two days he has hovered right around there.

The biggest problem in the NICU is Evelyn. She is his next door neighbor. She screams all the time. She screams when she's held, fed, whatever. Her parents have been so patient, but I feel really bad for them. They come to visit her and she screams in their face. Her monitors are always going off because she screams so much it messes with her heartrate, oxygen, and breathing. Walker's monitor will have a little window pop up showing what Evelyn is doing when she sets off her monitors. And if her parent's aren't there, I can just hear the NICU nurses eyeballs rolling as they go back to try and comfort her. Poor thing!

Her screaming doesn't bother Walker though. He doesn't seem to notice anything around him but me. He likes me! He wouldn't mind hanging out with me all day. But they say that he rarely makes a peep without me there. So I'm glad to know he isn't screaming when I'm not around.

Walker is getting antibiotics still in case of infection. I think tomorrow he will have the labs done and we will have more conclusive evidence of whether he ever had an infection. If he didn't, he can come off of them tomorrow. They are stinky, I can smell them on him, and I'd love for him to be done so he can come home sooner.

No word on coming home really. He needs to prove himself, and we just have to see day by day how he does on that.

Walker William Low

2011-10-28T17:58:00.002-06:00

Baby Walker was born on Thursday, October 27th at 11:25 am. He weighed in at 5 lbs 4 oz and 18 inches long. He has a decent amount of dark hair (for a Low anyway), but I'm not holding my breath, guessing it will all fall out in a few weeks. He is sweet and adorable, looks just like a Low boy!

Although I was warned that he would stay in the hospital for 3-6 weeks, he is doing awesome. I was told that he absolutely wouldn't stay with me after birth, but he stayed for an hour and I was able to feed him. His next two feeds he didn't even suck once. But then he ate well all night, so we are on our way! His glucose is what initially took him to the NICU, but he has kept that high enough on his own today. He hasn't required any breathing assistance, looks like those steroids did the trick! He is showing some indication that he may have an infection, so he is being treated for that with antibiotics. If his culture comes back negative, he will likely be able to go home on Sunday or Monday.

He takes after his brothers with jaundice....well actually he is showing them up. He was put on the billilights shortly after he was 24 hours old. That's quite unusual, so I'm sure we'll be fighting the jaundice fight for awhile. But they probably won't keep him in the NICU for that.

The very experienced NICU nurse says she has never seen a 34 week baby eat that well. He has made everyone very impressed.

He has hardly cried at all. A little bit of squeeking, but very little crying so far.....don't think I'm naive enough to think that will last though!

I actually love having him in the NICU. It takes up a lot of time because I have to go down to the NICU for about an hour to feed and spend time with him, then I come back upstairs to pump. Add a bathroom trip and a meal in there and it's almost time to go back down. But I LOVE the NICU staff, and how well they take care of everything. Everything is monitored, every diaper weighed, we know exactly where he's at all the time on everything, so there is no need to worry. They are always taking good care of me too, they bring me drinks, offer me the boppy, hand me clean blankets and burp cloths. His binky hit the floor and they just threw it out and got him a new one. They even decorated his room with Halloween signs with his name on them. I need to get a picture of that.

I feel fantastic. I haven't even had Tylenol, not any drugs at all. I slept on my tummy last night, it felt so good! My nurse said she has worked here for a few years and she has never seen a mom come walking up from L&D herself before. I felt instantly better, and without an epidural, I could walk perfectly. I am so happy to have my baby here, and I love how that changes the dynamics of a family. These early days of having a baby are so magical, I wish I could slow time down and enjoy them longer!

This hospital is incredible. The nurses have all been perfect! My doctors are tremendous, you couldn't ask for anything more. The facility is nice, and the food is done like room service and I keep getting the most incredible meals!

I dare say this has all worked out wonderfully, although it wasn't anyone's first choice, it has been great! I feel very blessed.

More posts and pictures to come!

Your birthday

2011-10-27T03:49:00.003-06:00

Today is your birthday baby Walker. Born 4 years and one day later than your big brother Henry, and born in the very same room. It's 3:50 am and I woke up crying. I woke up to an empty room wishing it wasn't empty. I looked around and was hoping it had more people in it than I saw, but I felt nothing. Where are they? I know they'll come! It made me cry more.

I've never done this before. I've never woke up knowing that it would be the day. I am so sorry. No one thinks you are ready to come out. I'm so sorry I failed you. You should have 2 more weeks, 2 more pounds.

There hasn't been a nurse who hasn't called you happy. You are so happy to be in there, you play almost all day when babies are supposed to stop and nap. I wish I could leave you there awhile longer.....safely. You are sleeping now though. Your heart rate is 127, when you play it's up in the 150's.

In a few hours, grandma will go meet your brothers at home and dad will make his way up to the hospital. We'll do what it takes to bring you safely out of me and hope that you can spend as much time as you can in my arms.

I love you Baby Walker. I have loved you before you existed on this Earth. You are so wanted and prayed for, and just exactly what your brothers can't wait to have in their life! They ask about you every day. You should have seen your father's face when he saw you the first time on ultrasound. There is no one happier to be having a new son than him.

Please be safe little guy. Be strong. Life will be hard and overwhelming at first, oh what I wouldn't give to keep you in a safe womb for longer. A womb that wouldn't risk making you sick before you are born. I'm sorry baby!

Come what may today Walker, Happy Birthday. Your mommy already loves you more than words! Good luck on your big day. I've finally recognized that this is your day and not mine.

Baby Post

2011-10-18T22:02:00.003-06:00

Not feeling like blogging, but I love to have records of pregnancy.

This weekend at 32.5 weeks I had a dr's appt and 2 trips to L&D to get the Betamethasone shots for baby Walker's lungs. At the appt I was about 2 cm and 60% effaced baby at -1. I got two shots, 24 hours apart, and I can tell a huge difference now. The steroids take full effect by 48 hours, and this little baby's hiccups just doubled in their strength. I dare say that his lungs are developed now, not that we are ready for him to come yet, but whenever he decides the time is, he will be ready. Trying to hold him in as long as possible, but not trying to set too lofty of goals. I'm guessing still that he will be here by November 8th which is in 21 days (36 weeks).

Contractions are sparse most of the time, but always occur with movement (standing up, rolling over, etc.) Sometimes get more consistent, but I'm pretty good about getting them to go away since I've been doing this for so long. The steroids made me extremely ill, but that mostly went away. I'm still left with nausea right now and I'm not sure what that is about. Lost my breakfast this morning and felt pretty sorry for myself.

All in all though, I'm doing great. I'm happy and enjoying my life and my kids right now. Slighty braindead, but that seems to be normal for me now. I'm excited to have a new baby, but enjoying my time with him inside as I know it won't last forever!

Preparing for Baby Walker

2011-09-12T10:52:00.004-06:00

We have lived here for 5 years now. I have had 3 soon to be 4 babies live in this nursery. And I never totally finished decorating it. Sad, I know. No one ever looks at my nursery anyway, they only do that with the first baby. So there are bare spots on the walls, and the pictures aren't current... Oh well. But we just did the deep clean to get it ready for baby Walker. I'm still not quite ready to move G. out, but at least it's clean now. I have a checklist of things to do to get ready for the baby, and so now this is checked off...... except I still need to move the clothes around a re-organize the closet.

I got rid of my wooden glider and we bought this old leather rocker/recliner from someone off KSL. I was so sick of my head bobbing at night while I nurse the baby, so now I can lean back and sleep while the baby eats. Comfort has trumped looks. That WASN'T the case when I had Isaac!

I was sitting in my new rocker yesterday and Dave walked in. He grabbed the bag of ABC blocks and formed the name "Walker." It was like crowning the prince. It made me smile. I *think* that these blocks belonged to Walker's great great grandma Low. It would be the wife of William Walker Low's grandson Alfred. So fitting with his name to have some family history in the nursery.

So while I will never finish my nursery, here it is (difficult to capture with my zoom lens on, but whatever)

School

2011-09-12T10:10:00.008-06:00

Oh school just saves me! I love my children so much more when I get more one on one time with them. And I am so much more sane when we have bedtimes and schedules. Summer is rough for me, although it was a really fun summer!

Isaac started school first, and it's been wonderful for him. He loves to go every day, can't wait for the next day. I told him he was old enough that he needed to shower in the morning every day. Make sure that he's nice and clean for school, without drool in the corners of his mouth or eye boogers! He wakes up, showers, gets dressed, eats his breakfast, and checks what is for lunch all by himself. I am awake, but he just does it all himself, and does it so fast that I can't seem to keep up. He is so independent, responsible, and sweet. He knows what time to leave, and gives himself plenty of time so we don't worry about missing the bus. I just don't know what more I could ask for.

It would seem that Isaac is the perfect child, but somehow, his presence stirs up drama. I think that's one thing about summer that is hard on me, a lot more fighting when he's around. But when he has school, he is so cheerful and everyone here gets along much better. *Sigh of relief*

Henry started school second, he is doing joy school. He is as happy as can be, and although he is so very clueless, he is with kids younger than him and will appear more intelligent! Haha. I think he'll learn alot, and next year I plan to send him to Sports Academy where I have high expectations of him becoming Kindergarten ready. He is so cute, I am happy to send him to school and not worry about him much.

Dawson started his 3rd year at Sports Academy, not what I had originally planned to do with him, but it all worked out this way. He is in a class with a couple of other July babies who didn't go to Kindergarten this year either. So I think the class will be fairly advanced and just perfect for him. He started out the year with a little stress, just like other years, but seems to be okay now. His backpack was torn, so I gave him a Lightning McQueen backpack and he was sure everyone was going to make fun of him. What? Dawson doesn't like to wake up, he got two wake ups this morning, and he begged me to go back upstairs and he would be right up. I told him I wasn't leaving until he was out of bed. He's a lot slower and tougher to get ready for school, but hopefully next year he will get on Isaac's schedule as they walk to the bus together.

With boy number five coming, we have officially created our own basketball team. How cool is that? Although I probably never would have chosen to have 5 boys in a row when we started this family, it has proven to be the most amazing thing for us! These boys are all best friends. They really don't have much need for any friends outside the home. They rarely ask if they can go play with anyone, and they are so bonded together. I daresay it's a bond that just wouldn't have happened with a mixed gender family. Not saying it's better than what anyone else has, but it has to be different, right? It's quite a unique thing to me, again, I wouldn't have chosen this, given the opportunity to choose, yet it's become a great blessing for our family and I would never give it up now! People keep asking if I'm going to try for a girl, and I can honestly say that at this point, I hope for 6 boys. A girl would be so out of place in this family!

It's so cute, these boys are very close in age, yet far enough apart that they do have some different interests right now. G. Jesse isn't quite as adept in Lego building as Isaac (although pretty darn good for a 2 year old), and Isaac and Daws are less likely to be found with Toy Story characters than the younger two. But I so frequently find them all playing together, even if it's with different stuff. I'll see all 4 boys playing in the same room, or same little area on the carpet, just wanting to be together even while they do totally different things.

We teach these boys that no one is more important than your brother. Friends will come and go, but your brother will always be there for you, your BEST FRIEND! Dave latched on to the basketball team thing, and bought them all matching Nikes for school this year. We've found that our Nikes have held up better than any other shoes we've gotten the boys, so hopefully this was worth the money. It wasn't cheap! Dave wants them to feel the "team spirit" to do anything he can to continue the bond that these boys have right now. It's cute.

Walking to joy school

Dawson's cheesy first day smile- doesn't reflect how he was actually feeling

Isaac didn't get a picture. He just moved so fast that morning, I wasn't ready for him to just leave like that. Oh well.

Top of Utah Half Marathon

2011-09-12T09:56:00.005-06:00

I would love to be a runner. I have asthma, and it is very difficult to run. My husband on the other hand, has no interest in being a runner. Yet he has a natural talent for running. So I had mentioned to him in the past that he could probably run a half marathon without training. I never thought he would actually do it.

He signed up for the Top of Utah Half Marathon in the spring, figuring he would start training a few months before the race. He never did. He ran a couple of times, maybe a total of 8 miles before the race.....

The morning of the race, I begged him not to go. I was sure he was going to die. He was excited, and not about to pull out for me. So I dropped him off at the race with the promise that he would call me hourly.

1:45 into the race and he hadn't called me yet. I was starting to plan how our family would survive on our life insurance money and social security. Trying to calculate if I would need to get a job when Walker was in 1st grade...... I hopped in my car, left Isaac to babysit, and went to find him. I drove up the highway until I got to Hollow Road, and I parked, and started walking up Hollow Road. It wasn't too long before I saw him (He was wearing a white shirt, white shorts, and black socks, not too hard to spot!) I was so happy to see him, and he was running with a friend. He ran the whole race with this friend. I ran with him for about 1/10th of a mile (which made me very sore later) and then I walked back to my car. I went home and got the kids, and we barely made it to see him pass by the bottom of our hill. We rushed to the finish line, and again only stood there about 20 seconds when he ran by. It was so wonderful to see him still alive at the end of the race, and he ran the whole thing. His time was 2:30 and a few seconds. Not too bad for not training.

I was very proud of him, and of course, even more in love with him that he could do so well. I told him he'd have to run it again next year with me..... and it will surely be much easier, because I can't run it that fast!

Running past the bottom of our hill

Crossing the finish line

He did it!

Baby Walker

2011-08-15T10:41:00.006-06:00

So I have totally abandoned my blog. No interest in blogging at all, it's not that I haven't spent time at my computer. But here is my precious baby Walker! He was hiding. Holding his hand over his head and turning away from us so we couldn't see his face. Maybe he's ugly, and he doesn't want us to know!

We actually found out for sure that he was a he in June. We woke up one morning and decided to book an appointment and go find out. We drove all our boys down to Salt Lake and as soon as the ultrasound wand was on my belly it was quite obvious. The doctor tried to look at his face first, but I told him I had already seen. We were all thrilled (although the boys already knew him as baby Walker, so they weren't that surprised), Dave facebooked it the second we got to the car, and Dave never facebooks! We were as happy as can be, and Dave called everyone he knew to tell them. It was so, very much better than last time when I cried my eyes out. I was happy he was the baby boy I had been dreaming about. I'm sure I would have been equally happy if it was a girl, but it was just so nice to be happy right from the start this time.

I have been making preparations for him little by little, crocheting hats and boots for him that are darling. Buying some new blankets, organizing matching outfits for 5 boys. It's been really fun. I am just hitting the miserable, "I'm too big to move" stage of pregnancy and that's making me more anxious for him to come. About 80-ish more days of pregnancy for me. Maybe. I'm having lots of contractions and nothing seems to stop them. So we'll see when this baby really comes. But we are all excited for our baby Walker William Low.

G. doesn't fully understand the whole baby thing, but he gets it more than you would think. He knows that baby things are for baby Walker. He found a diaper in the bag and told me it was baby Walkers. I told him I would be happy to pass down his diapers to baby Walker, but he really needed to go potty first. He points to my tummy and says "baby Walker, baby Walker in-er" (in there). The other boys are patiently waiting for him to come, and are pretty nice to their pregnant mom!

I did some research and found out a little more about Walker William Low. He was the son of David Low, and he had a son named David Low. But our line came through his son William Budge Low, Alfred Budge Low, Jessop Budge Low, Gordon Jesse Low, David Gordon Low, and finally Walker William Low. He was the first of the 7 generations of Low boys to live in Providence. He had 2 wives and 15 kids! I would really like to know more about him, but for now, we are keeping his legacy going by naming our son after him 7 generations later in the very same city that he lived and died in.

Here he is in 3-d. You can see his ear, head, shoulder, arm, and hand. He couldn't be bothered to show us his face! I hope it's a cute face. Preferably just like G's delicious little face.

2011-07-04T22:52:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday to my 5 year old Dawson. This poem was written by a friend 5 years ago. I forgot all about it until he reminded me of it tonight.

Forge

Half moon shines to the west of the trees

As she makes her way down, comes a cool summer breeze

Off the Mendon Peak of the Wellsville Range

Where there still banks snow, and that’s kinda strange

For the third of July, okay, now it’s the fourth,

But that’s how it was on the night you came forth.

And the name they picked, kinda after your dad

Whose name is Dave…, Dawson’s the best they had

And for the middle, there was Gordon or George

For the two grandpa’s of the family forge.

“Why not just make it “G”, like our president “W”?

Let it stand for both, then no one can trouble you.”

But if you want a real “handle”, by which no one else go’,

Make it something RICH, like

Dawson Lonny Low.

Lonn(y) R. Kirk

Pictures

2011-05-25T20:02:00.005-06:00

Out of necessity, I uploaded the pictures from my camera. I am so lazy about that. MAYBE I'll post a few, or maybe not. But here are some random pictures of each of my delicious little babies. And I am actually in one of them which is rare.
Me and the G. man

Dawson (must have just gotten out of the bath- look at his cute, fuzzy hair)

Isaac and his favorite pose

And Henry's infectious smile.

Some funny Henry stories.

Last week Henry told me, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a turtle!"

But this week Henry told me reluctantly, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a man." and he twisted up one side of his mouth/cheek as if he were settling.

Dawson announced that he did a little hiccup and Henry's eyes brightened up. "I can do a hiccup!" He hopped right off the couch, and onto his hands and feet where he lifted his bum up and down in a primitive pushup motion. I informed him that pushups were different than hiccups. But that didn't stop him from feeling pretty brilliant.

Oh sweet baby! Scary night.

2011-05-22T11:16:00.004-06:00

We have a nasty virus at our house and I am just praying it doesn't hit me because I know it will be SO bad if I get it. It attacks the lungs, and my lungs are wimpy to begin with.

I took Dawson to the doctor and confirmed that it wasn't anything dangerous, and over the course of 4 days it showed up in the other 3 kids. Including my baby!!!!!!

My sweet little G. baby has the nastiest barking cough, and I've been so worried about him. Last night I heard him barking for awhile, and then I heard silence for longer than seemed normal. I was SOOO tired and didn't want to get out of bed to check on him, but as a mother I can rarely turn off that need to check on my kids. So after pushing it off as long as I could I went in there to check on him.

Now let me say that every time I've ever opened the door to check on him he always stirs. I know without walking into the room that he's okay.

Last night I walked into his room and put my hand on his back to see if he was breathing. He didn't move. I couldn't feel him breathing at all. I shook him....nothing. I shook him harder, rocking his body back and forth....nothing. I grabbed his little arm and flopped his body over, and not gently at all...... nothing, not a stir. I scooped him up to go run into my bedroom and call 911 and I finally got him to let out a weak little cough. An eternity later (maybe only 5 seconds), he let out another little cough. Little by little I got him to start popping his lungs out and breathing well. I held on to him for most of the rest of the night, I was just SO grateful he was alive.

I don't really know if he wasn't breathing at all. I don't know if I walked in there at exactly the right minute to convince him to breathe. Maybe he was breathing, but it was just too shallow to detect. I don't know.

All I know is it might be the scariest moment of your life to flop your baby's body around without the slightest response from them. I really thought he was dead. I am SO glad that he's okay, and he's just as charming, cute, and talkative as ever. In fact he talked my ear off for most of the night. I just love that baby.

(A funny side note. After I got him to breathe normally, he started whispering a lot of things. For some reason I heard a word or two that triggered my middle-of-the-night mind to think that he was about to tell me about his near death experience. He must have said something about Jesus that caught my attention. But as I kept listening I started hearing more things about choo choos and doggies and realized he was just rambling.)

11 weeks

2011-05-17T10:35:00.002-06:00

Okay, I wrote this post on Monday. I have been waiting to scan in the ultrasound pictures before I posted it, but I am now realizing I am way too lazy. So I'll post it now anyway.

I'm going to write a positive post. Even though I'm tempted to complain. At 11 weeks I am already having contractions associated with movement, so I am ordered to take it easy until 16 weeks when I can start the awful shots that relax my uterus. Blah. I have a lot to do, it's not a happy topic for me to think about.

Sooooo, lets talk about the great part of my appointment yesterday. I got an ultrasound. In 4 weeks my baby went from a blob to a baby. I had 3 boys with me at the ultrasound, and I told them the baby was waving to them as he moved his little hand through amniotic fluid.

Ok, so I know that most of the world is hoping for me to have a girl, but I really and truly am thrilled with another boy. I'd be happy either way, I can't go wrong.

But I watched this little baby waving his little hands and feet around with his brilliant little flickering heart and I couldn't help but think it's a "he". Maybe that's due to the fact stated by my boys that we "have tons of boys already" and I can't imagine anything else anymore. I don't know, but I kind of got settled into thinking this is a boy. The boys are already calling him Walker, and I overheard them the other day listing off family members and they included Walker.

I already posted this, but William Walker Low was one of the first settlers in Providence. He has his name on plaques at the old rock church, and a huge headstone at the cemetery. He is the 1st of the 7 generations of Lows to live here, my boys being that 7th generation. His father was also named David Low. Buuuuut, I think we will switch the two names around and call him Walker William Low.

I promise you this, we haven't discussed girl names one time since we got pregnant. Dave tried to bring it up, and I think he thinks it's a girl, but I won't talk about it.

I find myself with a constant prayer in my heart. It's something to the effect of this. "Oh Heavenly Father, please send me one exactly like this." This prayer is in my heart as I spend my days with my current baby, none other than the G. monkey. I would love nothing more than to have a little clone of my G. Jesse. Send me the eyes and the long lashes, the evil grin, the tasty cheeks, the big appetite, the charming personality, the funny phrases, the quirkiness, I will even take the naughtiness (although if you want to leave that out I wouldn't mind). I am so madly in love with my 2 year old, and want this baby to be just like him. In.Every.Way.

But of course, they all come different, and I will take whatever God gives me and love it. I'm excited. I want a baby. And it's a darn good thing because it is NOT going to be easy to get one here. Dave tells me it's not much longer. I assure him that 24 weeks is a long ways away!

Pregnancy Post

2011-05-11T21:21:00.000-06:00

Yes, I feel sick. I spend a lot of time in bed. But I must admit that I feel better than I did with probably all my other pregnancies. I think I am better medicated. I am taking B6, B Complex, Zofran, Phenergan, and Zantac. How's that for a cocktail? I think it's working, I'm not as sick as I could be, and I've only thrown up 3 times. But when I throw up, it is always following a night out. So I'm staying home from now on.

My little sister Kate has spent a lot of time here playing with my boys. They have had a blast with her. And I pretty much ignore everyone and stay in bed. It's a great situation, and we're grateful for her help.

My little sister Lauren brought me the sweetest mother's day present of all the foods that she knew were working for me in this pregnancy. It cost way too much for a college student, and it was painful accepting the gift thinking how she spent her hard earned money on it. Lauren notices things. She is very thoughtful. A lot like Aimee was.

My mom is probably the most positive person I have ever met. She is always genuinely surprised/excited when I answer the phone and don't sound like I'm dying. She helps me to remember to be grateful that I'm not sicker.

My children understand. They know I'm sick, and when they ask, "Mom, can you get me some cereal?" What they are really saying is, "Hey mom, if you get up in the next half hour or so, could you quickly get me some cereal while you're up?" They are patient and kind to me, and have been pretty well behaved through my sickness.

My house doesn't understand. It can't figure out why I don't clean it or take care of it. It's just going to have to be patient. I can't afford a maid.

My husband is WONDERFUL! He has been so patient with me. Willing to drop anything, at any time of the day and go buy me whatever I am craving. Understanding of the messy house. And he is always checking up on me, hoping that I am feeling well. He makes this baby possible, I am grateful to have his support.

My uterus is stretched out. Or something! I look about 4 months pregnant already. But I really don't care, I do whatever works to survive, and usually wear sweats while I do it!

That's the update for now. The boys are telling everyone we are having a boy and naming him Walker. Sooooo, that's what we're planning on unless an ultrasound tells us otherwise. We'll know for sure at the end of July. I can honestly say I will be quite happy either way. I'm just so excited to have a baby, and thrilled at how "far" apart this baby will be from G. Jesse. I am loving have my little G. baby for a little bit longer.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-09T10:12:00.002-06:00

I had the best Mother's Day I could have possibly had this year. I woke up to Isaac bringing me breakfast in bed at 9:00. Peanut Butter Sandwich, and canned pears. Hey, I'll take it, and I ate most of it. I showered and curled my hair, but then felt too sick to go to church. I just couldn't seem to stay upright without wanting to throw up, so G. Jesse and I stayed in bed all morning. After church my mom and sisters came over and they made dinner for us. Mostly my mom did the work. And she cleaned up afterwards. I feel a little guilty for her Mother's Day, but I couldn't do much, I just felt too sick.

I forgot to include my "poor mans massage" that my little boys gave me. Lotion on the feet. Monster trucks on my back. And my hair brushed. It could use some improvements, but I can't complain too much.

I am SO grateful to be a mother. I just adore my little boys with everything I have. Being a mother is the most tiring, thankless job out there. Sometimes I feel like they don't even notice the things I do for them. But I wouldn't trade it for any career. I love being with my little boys, I love being their mom, I love knowing that there isn't much more I could sacrifice, I give pretty much everything I have to motherhood.

I am SO grateful for the man who enables me to be a mother. He is so supportive of me, especially right now that I am a lump in bed, and he does EVERYTHING in his power to help me survive. He loves being a father, and is overflowing with joy at the thought of having baby #5. He works hard for our family, and is always trying to be better.

I am SO grateful for my own mother, and thankful that I got to serve her a little in the last year, because she is serving me way too much right now. But she has been raising kids for 37 years, and continues to do it. It is a blessing to have such a wonderful mother who has taught me so much. I am so lucky to live close to her now, and have such a close relationship with her. When I got in the car today, it took 10 minutes for me to convince G. that we weren't going to Grandma's house. He just kept begging! My kids love their Grammy so much!

Hope everyone had a great Mother's Day!

Crazy Pregnant Dreams

2011-05-09T10:03:00.002-06:00

I always have crazy dreams when I am pregnant. Last night I dreamed that we were on a cruise ship that had a circus. You had to climb up many flights of stairs to get to the show. I saw on a poster that my dad was the main event as an acrobat. I suddenly remembered that he did that, somehow I forgot? So I ran and ran up the steps to see his show just as it was starting. Up, and up all those flights of stairs. I was exhausted and out of breath when I reached the top, only to look down and see that the acrobat wasn't my dad. I saw the poster at the top of the stairs with another man's name as the main event. Apparently the poster I saw earlier had been old. But of course they replaced him, he's dead. Of course I didn't remember that he was an acrobat, because he didn't do it anymore.

I cried and cried, and I couldn't even catch a breath between my sobs. And I woke up dry sobbing in my bed. No tears, but sobbing. It's weighed on me a little this morning. But my dad never was an acrobat anyway. I was so excited to see him, but when I'm awake I know I can't. I think I'll just blame crazy pregnant hormones. But for some reason I felt like blogging my dream.

Mother's Day Card

2011-05-05T16:30:00.002-06:00

Isaac gave me an early Mother's Day card. It had lots of flowers he colored on it, and the following poem:

Roses are red
The sky is blue
I love you
more than anything

I teared up and held him longer than he was probably comfortable with, so that he wouldn't see me crying. The poem didn't even rhyme, but it sure melted my heart.

Do you think my mom would react the same way if I colored her a card like that? It's too bad I can't give a gift from the heart quite like a 7 year old can.

This made me laugh today

2011-05-05T12:26:00.002-06:00

I had to edit a few, and delete a few to keep it clean, but this is still quite funny!

Letters of Truth

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...

Sincerely,

Google

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? What happened?!

Sincerely,

1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely,

That Little Triangle

Dear Rose,

There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.

Sincerely,

Jack

PS, you let go

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,

BP

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,

God

Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely,

Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,

That's enough.

Sincerely, The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely, United States

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,

You're the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear Mr. Gump

What are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....

Sincerely, Jenny

Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely, Justin Beiber

Dear Haiti,

Is it too early to ask what's shakin'?

Sincerely,

Seriously Going To Hell

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans

Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely,

Terrified

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,

The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pepper

Renovations

2011-05-01T17:43:00.003-06:00

We are expanding our house by two feet. Renovations have already begun and are already taking their toll on this family. We are scheduled to be done by December 6th, but we usually wrap these things up a little early. As uncomfortable as I feel bragging about this so early on, height and width restrictions make it quite obvious, and some members of our family have a hard time keeping secrets anyway. We'll keep you posted on the progress.....maybe...... If we have energy.

1 year

2011-04-29T23:03:00.004-06:00

I really haven't felt like blogging in about....... 6 months or so. I don't know why, just super lazy.

But today I write this just remembering where I was at one year ago today. It was such a painful place to be. I didn't sleep. I couldn't eat. It was painful to just exist. One year ago today we got that phone call. That changed our lives.

Today, I am definitely in a much better place. I didn't think today would even affect me, until I was driving to preschool. And the snow fell. And I remembered. And I cried. So I cried harder and harder yet. And I started to think it was probably pretty dangerous to cry like that while you drive. And I didn't like the feeling of the tears on my eyelids as I rubbed them around. And I was glad that I didn't wear eye makeup today. And then I stopped crying right before I got to the front of the line to pick up Dawson. And I was fine.

I was thinking about some of the things that are different about me this year.

I no longer pick up my phone to call my dad, which was a habit that was hard to break. In fact, I rarely think about him in that "maybe he could...." kind of way. My brain usually remembers that he is gone and not an option. It's sad, but good. It has to be that way, so I'm glad it is.

I'm not nearly as mad at him as I was. I spent a lot of time glaring at his picture. I can't say that I'm entirely over it, but I have less to be angry about. (He was such an easy person to direct anger at)

I know all the people around me who have lost a parent, and I feel so differently about them. I never understood what it would be like to lose a parent. I figured once you were an adult, it wasn't a big deal. You don't need them, right? It's still quite a big deal. Especially the whole problem with the one they left behind. It's not very nice to die before your spouse, it's really the kindest thing to go together. Yeah. Not always an option. So even when you are an adult and your parent dies, it is a huge impact on you, and in addition, you have a parent left that you worry about. I worry about my mom alot. She has done amazingly well, but I still worry about her. I don't want her to feel any pain ever. Anyway, I digress. I view all those around me who have lost a parent differently than I would have before my dad died. My dear friend lost her mother this week, and I felt like no one knew how to take care of her like I could. Not that I did much, but I felt like I had something to offer just by being her friend. I felt that way because of all of my friends who helped me in the last year. I have been well taught by you all. I will never forget the acts of kindness from all our dear friends and neighbors. All the people who stood in that awful, long line at the viewing so that we could hug them. We needed you!

I no longer wince at the thought of not having a dad. I remember hearing people talk about their dads stung a little. People would say, "I can't imagine how it would feel to lose my dad." and I would think, "You lucky dog, you still have a dad!" Note: I was NEVER begrudging to people having a dad still, just jealous. VERY glad for all of you who still have your dad living.....at least glad for those who like their dads. I remember enjoying saying things like, "Yeah, my dad has one of those in his garage." "HAS" It made me feel good if I could say it as if he were still here.

But now, I think I'm over that. I think I like my new life. I know the Lord has provided for us. We have been blessed beyond measure, and to be quite honest, I am not willing to give up those blessings. I love having my mom live here. She is wonderful. There could never be a more pure and happy woman on this Earth than her. I have so much to learn from her. She is learning so much, and has come so far. You would never believe it. I never thought it would be possible. Lauren has matured tremendously this year and accomplished things that would bring her dad to tears if he was here. I can imagine how proud he would be of her and my mom.

I can't even type all the lessons I've learned this year. But if there is one more thing I can write today it is this: We all have agency. We all have burdens. No matter if they are public like ours, or extremely private, we are all struggling. And how we endure these burdens ultimately dictates our happiness. We choose our destiny. Even when unthinkably hard things happen, we can choose to be happy and move on. And "if" we endure them well, we will get the ultimate, eternal happiness. And if we don't, then that is what we have chosen. And we cannot blame anyone or any circumstance for that. Because we have agency.

If there ever was a time in my life that I knew there was a God in Heaven watching over us it.is.now.

If there is anyone who is reading my blog and hasn't given up on me (I know I'm a blogging failure) Thank you for your love, support, and/or prayers always, and especially in the last year.

8 years

2011-04-12T11:51:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was our 8th anniversary. I admit we didn't really do anything more than tell each other Happy Anniversary. I'm feeling pretty good that we remembered it though. :)

But I do really love and admire the guy I married. He was absolutely the right choice for me, and I have loved our 8 years together. Hopefully we have lots of future anniversaries, and maybe we'll even celebrate them! I love you Dave!

Happy Birthday to me......

2011-04-09T20:19:00.004-06:00

My birthday was 2 weeks ago. It was a great day aside from the fight I got into with Dave, but he made up for it later. He got me the cutest ice cream cake. It was pink. And he bought me the Bissel Little Green carpet cleaner. I have been really wanting one, and now I won't have to borrow Julie Allens anymore.

Then my little sister Lauren came to my house and made me dinner. YUMM! How often do people come to your house and cook you dinner/dessert?

And lastly, my mom gave me two very special presents.

This is an Emerald/Diamond ring that my dad gave to my mom when they were dating. Isn't it cool? I wore it today and loved it.

This is a terrible picture, but this is a prism charm on a sterling silver chain. It belonged to my great grandmother. The story behind this is that my mom's grandmother had a beautiful vanity, and she would sometimes let my mom sit at it. My mom would try on this beautiful "diamond" and feel like a princess. She requested that her grandmother leave it to her, and now she gave it to me. It's beautiful, and special. A family heirloom. I love it.

I usually don't expect much for birthdays, but I must admit I got some of the best gifts ever this year. Happy Birthday to me!

It's like raiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn on your wedding day

2011-03-22T14:15:00.003-06:00

How ironic is it to take your maiden voyage in your new convertible and have it totaled all at once? Shall we ask Alanis? Nah.

Buuuut, March seems to have become the month of cars for us. Here are our stories.

Story #1

On Friday night we realized the snow had melted and we should take Dad's Camaro for our date night. We got the vehicle insured, but when we went to leave the battery was dead after sitting all winter. :( On Saturday, Dave got the battery fixed and drove it to church in the morning. Sunday afternoon Henry spilled paint on the carpet. :( again. The new carpet downstairs. Luckily, I flooded it, and kept it wet while I sent him to break the Sabbath and buy a carpet cleaner. He wasn't a fan of breaking the Sabbath, so he drove out to N. Logan to borrow Julie Allen's Bissel Little Green carpet cleaner. It's such an awesome little machine.

As he drove home, someone ran a stop sign and collided with Dave. TOTALED my dad's beautiful Camaro. ARRRGGGG. The Camaro that he had put SOOOOO much more money into, than it was worth. I mean we're talking 2x+ the value of the car. Poor Dave was SO deflated. He was so excited to have a red convertible, and to keep my dad around.

Story #2
I have been frustrated with my Suburban lately. It didn't have anything dramatically wrong with it, just lots of little quirks. Like running out of gas 10 minutes after it was at 1/8 a tank. In.my.friends.driveway. (one time it happened to be at Julie Allens house, for goodness sakes, they must think we are cursed) With gas prices rising I kept thinking that it would be a good time to sell my Suburban because it has CNG installed on it. I talked with my mom about it a few times, but figured I would wait until the summer.

In looking at comps of convertibles online, I decided to throw my Suburban on KSL at a high price. I figured since I had no intention of selling it, if I priced it really high, I could afford to wait as long as it took to find a buyer. No pressure. I listed it, and within the first day I think I had 15 responses. Whoops. It was a disaster, I had to keep pushing people off telling them it wasn't ready to show. 2 days later I pulled my act together and cleaned the car and showed it. I sold the car that day for $3500 more than I paid for the vehicle. Who does that? Who puts 40,000 miles on a vehicle and then makes money? I was so shocked, and I still can't quite believe it's gone.

So I spent 3 full days of completely ignoring my children to try to find a new Suburban. I didn't bathe them, or feed them, or even really pay attention to them (probably exaggerated a little) and I certainly didn't clean my house. I sat in bed on my laptop and searched for Suburbans.

Do you know how hard it is to find a used Suburban in Utah? It's like everybody just snatches them up. You know the 4 million car dealers on State St? Well, we drove through/by about 10-15 of them and found only maybe 3 Suburbans. Weird. So I found my Suburban online in San Antonio, where Suburbans must not be in very high demand. It's a couple thousand less than it would go for in Utah.

So now I wait for my car to arrive. And we still don't know what we will do with the Camaro. We would like to salvage it, but I don't know that it's possible. But I'm going to try to figure out how to get Dave a new convertible that he loves.

And here is Dave in his convertible on his first and last Sunday afternoon drive. *tear*

Two Pictures...because I'm scanning pictures

2011-03-10T18:03:00.006-07:00

Picture 1: Because it's tournament time, and 10 years ago I cheered at the tournament and held the Big West Tournament Cup when we won. I called my dad right after and the first thing he said was, "You're dancin'!!!" (Unfortunately, I had to "dance" at home, they didn't take the freshmen.)

Picture 2: Because many people have never seen pictures of my heavier days. I weighed 40 pounds more then. Look at my big arms! And look at cute little Kate, when she was tiny and sweet......

I was raised....

2011-03-04T18:44:00.003-07:00

Going to the racetrack with my dad like all good girls do. What? You didn't grow up with your dad taking you to the racetrack? It's such a wholesome atmosphere: drinking, gambling, smoking, swearing.....to name a few. Haha! In the years before my dad was baptized, he took great pride in his racehorses. This picture is of his all time favorite horse, EZ Ben. We always went down to the track at Freehold in NJ, and it was something I looked forward to as a kid. I remember taking my friend once and we both came home with long sleeved white t-shirts that had beer advertisements on them. Now that is some quality loot! And for years we used the free umbrellas my dad picked up there that had not so subtle COORS written on them.

Anyway, I found this picture when I was cleaning out my dad's office, and it includes my mom next to my Grandpa George and Grandma Lena, and the cute little girl my dad is holding, just happens to be me. And then there is Uncle Frank who looks like he's wearing an underwear shirt. I don't know who the other dudes in the picture are, or where my older sisters are? Anyway, I thought it was some fun family history.

Valentines Day

2011-02-22T13:14:00.002-07:00

I never posted about Vday. Dave and I went to the stake dance and out to dinner. We had a great time. I loved dancing with my honey. And the icing on the cake was that my mom threw my boys a Valentine's party complete with cookie decorating and balloons, so we had a free night out together. Does it get much better than that? It was probably my best Valentine's in a long time!

Spent a lovely afternoon

2011-02-21T09:44:00.004-07:00

with the woman who adopted Mari's baby. Her name is Charity. She brought that cute little baby, I wanted to munch on him. He's so sweet. He still looks so much like Mari. We only spent a few hours together, but probably could have spent a lot longer if our lives permitted. We connected. We understood each other. It's funny because we went to high school together and even hung out with some of the same people, but never even spoke to each other. It's amazing the people you miss out on, when you brush shoulders with them daily. But the wonderful world of adoption brought us together 10 years after graduation, and now we have a forever bond. I am so thrilled with the family this little baby went to. He is so lucky, Charity is just so amazing, she handles her life with grace, even during hard times. She is a fantastic mom. And a great friend. I feel so blessed to have spent the afternoon with her, and hope we will get together in the future.

And a picture of the little munchkin. Isn't he scrumptious?

Kung fu

2011-02-17T09:51:00.002-07:00

Oh yeah, our kids are so talented.

Baby-hen

2011-02-16T13:42:00.002-07:00

I've called him Baby-Hen for quite some time now, but for awhile he fought me and would say, "I not Baby Hen!" in his funny little voice. He's okay with me calling him that now.

Yesterday I was talking with him about when he was a baby. I told him that he was in my tummy. He said, "And you said, where's Hemy?" I laughed really hard, and then assured him that I knew where he was.

Today, I reminded him of our conversation yesterday and today's version included him saying, "Let me OUT, Mom. And then I comed out." Maybe that's how it happened?

He's a funny, quirky, little guy, and I love him.

Christmas Pictures. In no particular order

2011-02-11T20:11:00.018-07:00

I love this one. Henry was in Heaven!

Dave didn't think G would like Buzz, but as soon as he woke up he said, "Mine!" He now calls him Buzz, but for awhile he was "an-eey-on!" (To Infinity and beyond)

Isaac and his beard beanie

The happy boy with his Bakugan. Which broke an hour later. And officially made it the worst Christmas ever according to Isaac. (He woke up at 3:00 am, so he was predisposed to be grumpy on Christmas)

Pickleville Christmas Show, the Santa looked so real Isaac was convinced he was the "real" Santa.

Dave bought the boys all matching hats/pants/sweaters/pea coats/scarfs/umbrellas/and jingle bells. Henry is sporting part of the outfit in this pic

And Baby G.

The Biada's on Christmas Eve at Beehive grill

My mom and me

The classic jammers shot on Christmas Eve. The best shot out of 20. Gratefully in digital, otherwise we would have used a whole roll of film with no good pictures!

We have a 135 inch movie theater in the basement......

2011-02-11T19:59:00.002-07:00

But sometimes these little boys just want to crowd around a laptop. (Dave's laptop....I don't share mine)

Just got back

2011-01-27T21:05:00.004-07:00

I just returned from a trip to Disneyland with my older two boys. Just like last year, we went with Jesse, Brooke, Matthew, Drew, Trisha, and Naomi. We LOVE it. We had a great time, and I love having my little buddies on either side of me.

I will write a longer post later, but I wanted to dedicate a post to this one topic.

Last year, I left the babies with my parents, and Dave had the house to himself for 5 days. I came home to see not 1 thing done. Not a dish cleaned, not a sweep of the floor, nada. It wasn't a pretty scene when he found me.

THIS year, I came home to a beautifully clean house. With the mail, laid out neatly on the counter. With a nice smell in the house, and even a vacuumed floor.

Is this why people fall more and more in love every year? Their spouses get better every year? I think so.

Between him and my mom, they kept the babies healthy and happy while we had a blast in Disneyland. I'm so grateful for both of them!

Christmas

2011-01-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful Christmas. It was full of little boys, spending time with family, and eating lots of good food!

On Christmas Eve we started a few new "traditions." We'll see if they stick.

When I was a little girl, my grandad would come to town (maybe every other year?) and take us to a fancy restaurant. We really never went to a fancy restaurant other than those times. We would dress up in our fancy dresses and talk about restaurant manners so we didn't embarrass my mom in front of her dad. It was such a fun tradition for me, and we scarcely even take our kids out to eat, let alone trying to make it fancy.

So I exhorted my mom to start that tradition. There is slim pickin's on restaurant choices, but Beehive Grill was open on Christmas Eve, so we went there. Dave reserved us the back room, so we were all by ourselves in there. We dressed up our boys in their "fancy clothes" and we all dressed up as well. The food was great, and it was a lovely atmosphere. It was so much fun, she thinks she'll start it as a tradition as well.

Another thing that we did was go caroling to a few of our friends. I'm not a huge fan of that one, but it is really important to Dave, and I've squeezed my way out of it in the past years, so we did it. It was nice...... sort of.

Christmas morning was a little rocky. I sent Isaac down to bed with a phone so he could call me in the morning when he woke up. Instead, I got phone calls all night long as he woke up at 3 am and consequently Dawson too. I wouldn't let them come upstairs, but then they got hungry, so I sent food down with them. We planned to start our morning at 7 am, but we wanted to wait for Grammy to get here. At 7:30 they still weren't here, and Dawson was on the stairs crying. Finally we let them open their presents, and Grammy, Josh, and Kate came a few minutes later.

Santa brought them just what they wanted. Lego Indiana Jones 2 and Lego Harry Potter for the Wii. And remote control Buzz Lightyears for the babies. They got an air hockey table for the basement (which was given to us by a friend, and strategically saved for Christmas) and beard beanies for the older boys. They also each got a little toy: Isaac- Bakugan, Dawson- Iron Man, Henry- Power Ranger.

The day got a little rocky when Dawson accidentally broke Isaac's Bakugan. Isaac (being extremely tired) lost it, telling us how terrible his Christmas was. Then Dawson accidentally kicked Isaac in the face and Isaac declared it the "worst Christmas ever." I REALLY hate that bratty attitude, I wanted to strip him naked and throw him in the snow so he could really understand the worst Christmas ever.

Another interesting thing to note was that the remote control Buzz was labeled for ages 6 and up. So Dave thought it might be best to wait, and not open up G. Jesse's Buzz. G. woke up later than the other boys and came out to find his brother playing with a remote control Buzz??? He yanked the remote out of Henry's hand and said, "MINE!" So we quickly opened his Buzz and he stood there in the kitchen exercising his thumbs with that remote, and wondering who came up with the 6+ age limitation. He is a smart kid, but come on. Kids now a days are born with a remote control in their hand. He loves his Buzz.

Grammy gave the boys Lightning McQueen sleeping bags, backpacks, and underpants. A little sleepover kit. They can't wait to sleep over there, and ask me about it all the time. We LOVE having Grammy live close by.

At lunch time, we went over to Grandma Stevie's and ate a tremendous lunch of Prime Rib. Everyone was there (except the Alaskans and the Swiss members of the family- we missed you!) After lunch, there was a program which included talents and a nativity. And finally the crowning event.... present opening. **Angelic singing voices***

Isaac and Dawson got snorkle gear and remote control cars, Henry and G. got Woody and Jessie. (I could only find one Woody in the entire Christmas season) Funny stories there. Dawson's present was gigantic. I ordered it off of Amazon (with help from my dear friend Julie!) and it was $20.00. I figured it was an average $20.00 remote control truck. But it is HUGE. A few days later it went up to $60.00, and I realized it was a special truck.... So we were worried Isaac (Mr. Competition) would be jealous. And he was. Until he opened his. His is one of those light up tornado trucks that spin all around. Then Dawson was jealous of him. Uggghhhh!!!! And then I decided there would be no presents next year!

In my older boys brattiness, I told them they were really lucky! Not all kids have such good Christmases. But they didn't believe me. Why? Because Santa goes to all kids, (not just the kids whose parents have money... or credit). I rolled my eyes, and threw up my hands. How can I argue with them?

Henry and G. were delightful, and thrilled with their presents. G. loves his Jessie doll, and has clutched her as he goes to sleep at night. When he can't find her he says, "Er Jessie go?" And Henry loves his Woody doll.

And Dave and I got the best presents of all. From my mom and Kate we got a gift card, and a gift certificate for a weekend away (babysitting). And from Lauren, we got a La Caille gift certif and a night of babysitting certif. Wow! Does it get much better than that? Babysitting by those who love your children, is one of the very best presents. Oh yeah, and I'm leaving them the babies in January while I go to Disneyland. Just for the days, but still, very valuable.

And from Gordon and Stevie we got some cash, which we purchased a new picture of Christ to hang in our home. We have wanted to get it for a few years now, and we love having it. (So does G. who points to it 400 times a day and says "Jesus" and "I yu Jesus" (love). He also loves the Bauple, or temple, and he tells me about that 400 times a day too)

It was a wonderful Christmas full of gift giving. We did manage to fit the Savior into it as well. We did our nativity as well as read the Luke 2 passage. Dave gave a talk in church about how you cannot separate Bethlehem from Gethsemane. How we are really celebrating the birth of a baby because of what he became and what he did for us. That dwelt in my heart throughout the week, and made it a more meaningful Christmas for me.

"Moooommmmy!"

2011-01-16T08:34:00.003-07:00

In the middle of the night my baby G. woke me up calling for me. I was at a baby shower last night and Dave put him to bed before I got home. G. woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me about his night. And to hug me. It was so sweet. He told me that he went to Grandma's house and that he was with Daddy, and he just hugged me for a few minutes. Then he willingly got back in his crib and went back to sleep.

He missed me. And I'm so glad that when he called for me, I was there. I love being "Mommy" to these boys.

Special Day

2011-01-15T23:03:00.002-07:00

Today and tomorrow are special. You wanna know why? Mari's baby was sealed to his parents for time and all of eternity today, and tomorrow he will be blessed. His sweet parents invited our family to go. My mom, Josh, and Kate are going (we have stake conference and Dave has priesthood responsibilities). It makes me so happy to know that he is with such an incredible family. In a way, I feel like it is one of my dad's last contributions in life. He worked SO hard and spent a lot of time and money trying to get Mari here, situated, and helping sway her to make the decision to place that baby. He is one lucky baby to have been given such a wonderful life and family!

Happy New Years

2011-01-02T20:37:00.002-07:00

2010 was quite a year for us. I can't quite believe all the things that went on this year. I can't believe how much we love our basement, but I also can't believe how many hours we logged down there working. And it's still not totally done. 2010 involved a huge change of my life as my dad passed away and I became the only living relative of my mom that wasn't under her household. I went from worrying about my mom- not at all. To worrying about my mom-most of the time. She has done beautifully, but she has still needed lots of help. I spent hours and hours in Bountiful cleaning out her home, and hours on the phone helping her figure out everything from taxes (07, '08, '09, yikes) to buying her first home- a beautiful home in Providence in the same development and with the same house plan as our first home. We now have the Biada's here, close by, and it has been quite a change considering they only came to visit me before when I had a baby. The night after my dad died, Dave gave my mom a Priesthood blessing. He said that we would see miracle, after miracle. We truly have. The very windows of Heaven have opened up and poured out more blessings than we can receive. I just can't quite believe it. I have a hard time complaining about my dad's death as I feel we have been so well taken care of both by Heavenly and Earthly beings. I still do miss him though, but it is so much better now.

My initial reaction to the New Year was to think I was glad 2010 was over, but that's not true. It was a wonderful year. We had tremendous blessings and great memories together. God has been good to us this year.

I was struck by the song today at church. Confession: I frequently can't squeek out the words of songs in Sacrament meeting because they are so touching, they move me to tears. If you want to speak to my soul, the fastest way is through music. (I doubt Dave has ever even noticed this, I try to keep it to myself because it's embarrassing)

We sang "Come let us anew" which is one of my top 20 hymns probably. I love it. But we hardly ever sing it, so I don't remember ever reading the words. The last verse says this:

3. O that each in the day of His coming may say,
“I have fought my way thro’—
I have finished the work Thou didst give me to do.”
O that each from his Lord may receive the glad word:
“Well and faithfully done;
Enter into my joy and sit down on my throne,”
“Enter into my joy and sit down on my throne.”

I don't do New Years resolutions. I did them when I was younger, but I got so frustrated with myself when I didn't follow through that it was worse to me than not doing anything at all. I'm more of a spontaneous do-er. I decide I'm going to change it then, and I do. There is nothing about Jan 1 that helps me to set OR follow through on goals better than the rest of the year.

That's just me. Sometimes I feel like a loser, especially when people read off their list of the top 500 things they will improve on that year, and I'm like, "Yeah, I'll get back to you on that, I'm still thinking....."

So I have been pondering resolutions this week, and thinking how most of the time I am just hanging onto my life by a thread and I just can't fathom adding something huge. When we sang this song today, I was overwhelmed by the Spirit, and realized that this was my New Years resolution. It will require no huge daily changes. No money. No new running shoes. No babysitting. My New Years resolution is in everything I do, try a little harder to make sure that in day of His coming I may say, "I have fought my way thro, I have finished the work thou didst give me to do. Because all I want is to hear those words, "Enter into My joy and sit down at My throne."

That is something that I already strive for, but this year, I promise to try even harder. I'm not going to promise to read the Ensign cover to cover. Or memorize a hymn a week (although I did that one year and it is awesome to not need a hymn book most of the time). My resolution is simple. In 2011 I'm going to be a better me. I know that's vague, but I hope at the end of the year, I can look back and think, "Yeah, I did that." And be able to list off things that I improved on that year. Maybe that's almost like a reverse resolution. I don't know, but I'm excited to see what 2011 brings for the Low family. I hope we are ready for it.

We Believe

2011-01-02T20:12:00.002-07:00

Today in Young Women's we were introduced to the new theme of the Year. The church produced a tremendous video on the new theme with songs, and testimonies from the youth all over the world. The theme is We Believe, but in full is the thirteenth article of faith.

13^aWe believe in being ^bhonest, true, ^cchaste, ^dbenevolent, virtuous, and in doing ^egood to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we ^fhope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to ^gendure all things. If there is anything ^hvirtuous, ⁱlovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

I most of all am fascinated by that last sentence. Are we seeking after these things? Are the movies we watch virtuous and lovely? It really makes me evaluate the way I spend my time, and wonder if the things I seek are praiseworthy.

Pins and Needles

2010-12-22T08:18:00.002-07:00

Sorry to have left anyone hanging on that. Seriously, the computer has been a real blogging downer. I'm so glad to have a working computer now. And mad at my dad for leaving me without a computer repair man.

Anyway, the pins and needles were for a business that we started. We opened up a kiosk in the mall selling hair products for the holidays. It has been a great learning experience, we hired employees, and I have managed this little store. It was a ton of work to get started, but hasn't been bad once it got going. Unfortunately it hasn't been that great financially, and I don't know if we'll do it again next year. But don't worry, I'm married to Dave Low the idea man. He'll have a new idea and a new business by the new year. You can count on it.

Baby sister

2010-12-22T08:12:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to quickly write about my baby sister. Why? Well, it's probably overdue, she's been living by me for 5 months now. But the big, fun thing was that she brought a boy over to my house for Sunday dinner. This is something I have never experienced, as my older sisters didn't date. It was so fun.

Little Lauren (actually taller than me, but still my little Lauren) has matured into a beautiful young woman. She makes me so proud. She is doing well in school, working at 2 jobs, and trying out new recipes that she shares with others all the time. She is happy and sweet.

I hardly ever see her, even though she lives 10 minutes away. She is too busy living up her college experience. But when I see her I remember how proud I am of her. It is wonderful to have my family so close to me now.

G. funnies

2010-12-22T07:48:00.004-07:00

Broken computer= No posts.

New laptop= Hopefully diving back into the blogging world?

I have to post some of my little G baby's funnies. He is hilarious. A lot calmer than he used to be, but so funny.

He still wants to be read to all the time. He brings books to you and says, "READIT!" I've never had a baby so interested in books. He hardly ever watches tv. My mom says that's how I was. I wonder if he'll read early?

In church on Sunday we were flipping through the gospel art book. That usually buys us a good 15 minutes with G. He is really getting better in church....phew. In the middle of the quiet Sacrament, he was looking at Harry Andersons picture with Christ on the cross. A beautiful, sacred picture, right? Well G. notices everything. He would be really good at "where's waldo." See that guy with the white beard on the bottom left? He points to him and says, "Ho, ho ho." And I started laughing during the Sacrament. Then he sees the Roman Soldier with his helmet. He says, "hike. hike. hike!" While looking at the Nativity picture, he says, "Night night."

This baby's speech is really remarkable. He not only has quite a large vocabulary for his age, but he says things very clearly. He doesn't say "baba," he says, "Bot-tle, bot-tle" in a sing-songy way.

A few weeks ago I heard him saying Bapi over and over. I thought he was just talking jibberish. Henry talked jibberish for a really long time, and would tell long stories without more than 1 or 2 real words in them. But I realized that G., for the most part, only talks with a purpose. He was trying to say, "diapie" and tell me to change his diaper. Now I know that Bapi means diaper and he wants it changed. I do appreciate him telling me!

We always have like the play the "me" game in our family. We say, "Who wants pizza?" And wait for the kids to say "ME!" G. has caught on to this, and he says it with such urgency, like he really wants to be chosen. We ask him all kinds of things..... "Who wants to eat frog legs? "MEEEEEEE!" he says. The best was when Dawson asked, "Who wants to eat a fence?" G. responded, "Meeeee! Me do it!"

G. is blessed with a very easy name to say. He could say it quite early on. When he wants to claim something, he will point to it and say, "It's G., It's G." I rarely hear the word mine, he would rather claim it with his name.

This little guy is really special. He is a huge person in a really tiny body. I knew it the first time I held him in the NICU and I told him, you are a special little guy. In the first few months of his life I told him that all the time. He always keeps me on my toes, from being born in the car, to now when he dumps out cups of milk on the floor and finds all kinds of creative ways to get in trouble.

The cute and the not so cute.

2010-11-30T10:39:00.003-07:00

This is my G. man. Or G. Monkey, G. Chunkey, G. Chubber, pretty much anything you can put after "G." I do. He is so cute to me. So delicious. I nearly kissed a hole in his cheeks this morning. He has the most beautiful, huge, blue eyes with SUPER long lashes, that bunch up when he smiles (as pictured above) he has small dimples in his cheeks and a huge one in his chin that pop when he smiles. He is just adorable...............

But he's so much trouble. Definitely my busiest baby ever. And really, really smart. Smart is a great thing, but it's not helpful when you're 1. It just gets you into trouble. He uses his intellect to say super cute things that a lot of babies his age never say, that's cute. But he uses it to come up with the messiest, most ridiculous activities that I can hardly keep up with. I have spent most of the last month cleaning up after him hence the lack of blogging. He is so naughty. He learned how to climb up my bar stools, and sometimes he turns the faucet away from the sink and then turns in on. It's only through constant vigilance that our house hasn't flooded....yet. He empties out the box of Marshmallow Mates (curses to that stupid cereal) and then he picks out the marshmallows. He mixes my buckets of flour and sugar, even when I think the lids are on tight. He turns on the bathwater and you can fill in the many blanks of things you can do with large amounts of running water when you are a baby. He eats cereal very nicely with a spoon, as well as yogurt, but you can never tell when he's going to decide he's done and dump it off the side of his high chair. 2 Seconds of fun for him, 20 minutes of cleaning for me.

As I mentioned, he speaks well for a child that age. He had a huge explosion of words a few months ago, now he hasn't learned a ton of new words, but he echos phrases he hears and it makes me laugh. Some of the cuter things he says are:

Hot Chocolate (Very clearly, there is no mistaking what he wants)
I got it!
ISAAC!
I want a bot-tle!
I want my boot (ahwanmaboooooot)
He very cheerfully shouts "Night night" when I put him to bed at night

I can feel the beginning of a new stage with him, the very early buds of some focus out of him. Two miraculous things have happened just in the last week or two.

1. He has sat down to watch a TINY bit of TV. He hasn't even looked at the TV since he was in an infant seat. He's been way too busy. A little bit of tv every day would give me some relief from him.

2. He is incredibly fascinated by books. He would probably sit all day and read books with me. We have a basket of Christmas books and he goes to the basket and picks his books and brings them back to read. Reading would be a good outlet for that creative brain of his.

And the great miracle I should mention is that he hasn't even touched the Christmas tree. I thought it would be toast within hours, but he just isn't that interested in it. Phew.

These pictures were taken because I gave him a faux hock? and we both thought it was hilarious.

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T15:46:00.003-06:00

We had a lovely Halloween. I don't like Halloween. I wish it would go away. But my kids love it, so I endure it. I am thrilled when it's over though. I didn't even take any pictures of their costumes. It was a busy, busy day, and I just didn't care that much. Our ward had a trunk or treat, and then it rained so we went to Dave's parent's house and enjoyed some good food and company.

Isaac was a Ninja (handmedown), Dawson was a cowboy (scrounged up from stuff we had), G. Jesse was Nemo (Henry's costume from last year), and Henry was Indiana Jones/Batman/Cowboy (I thought only girls meshed multiple characters together like FairyPrincessBalerina. Yep I was one of those once.) But Henry just couldn't decide, no matter how many times I told him that Batman didn't wear cowboy boots or hats. Dave dressed up as a BYU fan (scary costume!) and I didn't dress up (unless you count Desperate Housewife, jk.) I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I had a big day in other areas, so I barely even focused on Halloween yesterday, which is okay. I didn't even eat one piece of candy.

Dawson's best line of the night came at the beginning of the trunk or treat when a couple asked him if he wanted some candy and he said, "No, I don't have any money." I love that kid. He might be the sweetest 4 year old I have ever met. He really is, I'm so grateful for his sweet nature. He got the hang of free candy pretty quickly though, and had a great time.

This picture at the end is not what you might think it is. It IS a garbage can. It DOES have candy wrappers in it, but it ALSO has uneaten candy of all varieties (including SNICKERS). Why? Mean mom? Fears of obese children?

NO! I'm not that mean. My 6 year old, Isaac decided to throw out his candy. Didn't feel like it was healthy to keep eating candy, says it gave him a headache. I have a 6 year old with incredible self control. I can't quite believe it. The icing on the cake? I fished them out of the garbage and ate them myself, and I didn't even have to steal them when he wasn't looking.

To my friends outside of Utah- Happy Halloween, hope it's a great day!
To those of us who are done with Halloween.......Phew, it's over! On to my favorite Holidays!!!!!!

Pins and Needles

2010-10-25T09:42:00.003-06:00

I'm on pins and needles right now. We're working on something pretty big. For us anyway. It'll be big for sure. It could just be a lot of work. It could be awesome. It could be not that great. It's taking every ounce of courage we have. Which leaves me no courage to share it with you right now. Sorry. But that is where my mind is instead of my blog (explaining the lack of posts). No I'm not pregnant. (Thank heavens, or I wouldn't be able to do anything else) And hopefully, I will be up to sharing more in a week or two. Stay posted, and pray for us. Thanks!

ps I do miss my dad if you were wondering

Henry George

2010-10-25T09:37:00.002-06:00

This little guy is having a birthday tomorrow. The world's sweetest baby has changed a lot in the last 3 years. He is still quite charming, and FULLLLLLLLLL of personality, but kind of sassy. The last two mornings I had to wake him up to go somewhere. He came out of him room and just chewed me out! "Don't you EVER wake me up again. You WAKE ME UP MOMMY! That's not nice. Don't do it again!" The next morning when I woke him up again he came out just indignant. "You wake me up AGAIN??????!!!!!! Mom! You wake me up AGAIN????!!!!"

He thinks he owns the place, and in some ways he does. I NEVER know what to expect from him. More on him tomorrow I guess.

Family Pictures

2010-10-09T21:50:00.009-06:00

Our wonderful friend Gena came over and took some family pictures for us in the field behind us. We got some pretty awesome pictures. More to come.

USU vs BYU

2010-10-01T11:28:00.000-06:00

Let's kick their trash Aggies.

3 years and Happy Birthday

2010-09-30T12:56:00.003-06:00

Happy Birthday dear Aimee. It would be 36. Sometimes I spend a few minutes pretending like she's here and I go through in my mind giving her a gift and chatting with her for her birthday. I give her a hug and then hand her a present. The room is quiet with anticipation as she unwraps it carefully. A tiny gasp as she sees what it is and she's so excited. "I love it Erica!" she says and we both smile at each other. "Happy Birthday!" I say, "Thanks for being the best big sister ever." Then we tease each other with some inside jokes, and I tell her all the funny things about my boys.

Today, right as I stepped out of the shower (always a little nerve wracking to shower and have no clue what your boys are up to), my boys ran in and asked if I knew the "two guys." "Are they at our house?" I ask. "Yes." they say. I comb through my brain trying to figure out who the two guys are. Missionaries? I RUSH to get dressed "You know the one guy with the glasses?" Do I? "Are they INSIDE our house?" "Yeah, I took the one guy to my room." "The guys are in your room?" I start getting panicky.

The whole conversation was about LEGO guys. One with glasses. At our house. Inside our house. In Dawson's room. Not creepy anymore when I know it's LEGO guys.

Then Aimee and I laugh together about my crazy adventures with little boys. And she tells me she just wants one girl. And I tell her that someone better have some girls in this family, because it doesn't seem to be me!

Then we walk into the other room where there is a fantastic dinner there prepared by my dad. And the dinner table is overflowing with plates and folding chairs. And we eat until we're stuffed but somehow make room for cheesecake afterward.

Then I drive my kids home without a care in the world (This is a daydream of course). I'm not worried about my mom or siblings.

When I come to I realize that nothing like this will happen in this lifetime. But I realize that there are wonderful things in our future still, even without those three family members. And I just can't wait to have my mom move up here so I won't worry about her as much... in just three weeks. (Sorry to Mindy, whose brother is moving out of his house to let my mom move in)

Yesterday was the 3 year mark of Jessica's passing. Wow.

A couple recently told us that all 5 of their children are married. They had planned their whole life to say a certain thing to them all when they had finally all gathered together in the Temple. "No empty chairs." When they got there, he was so happy he couldn't even say it through his tears. His wife had to say it.

To be honest, I thought it was kind of a goofy thing to plan to say. But the more I thought about it, the more I loved it. If we gather the Biada family together now, we can all fit at the table. We may even need a folding chair or two. But it's not that overflowing, squished together, turn your shoulders to the side before you scoot in kind of full. Sometimes, it will feel like there are lots of empty chairs even when the table is full. "No empty chairs in the eternities." seems so much more crucial when you get a little taste of what it would be like through this experience on Earth. It's not good. It's just not. It is sad. It feels unfair sometimes. But at least it's only temporary. And because of that I pray with all my heart that there are no empty chairs in the eternities. I pray that each of my siblings, and all of my children, and all of my loved ones make the choice to be worthy and sealed in the temple. And then when we get to the other side we can gather together for birthdays and family parties at an overflowing table again and make up for lost time.

Potty training boys

2010-09-21T08:09:00.003-06:00

Negative x Negative = Positive

Now apply that formula to two bed wetters getting married and multiplying and replenishing the Earth, and so far, it seems that 3/3 potty trained children are night trained right away. That HAS to be genetic. It can't be our awesome potty training skills because, well we don't have awesome potty training skills. But how do they have early night-training genes, when their parents were both bed wetters? It must be like math. I think I wet the bed until I was 5 or maybe even 6. Dave...... I can't write his age on here, he was too old to admit on here.

A little potty training recap for those who don't remember.

Isaac: My first time. I tried potty training him and suddenly understood how child abusers felt. I was so angry with him, I wanted to beat him. Watching your child hide behind something so they can poop in their underwear makes you pretty mad. If they know enough to hide, they know enough to go in the potty! (Just to let you know, I didn't beat him) I was sure it was linked to his gender and when I found out Henry was a boy (I was pregnant at the time) I cried and cried thinking that I would have to potty train 3 boys. I flew out to Maine for my grandmother's funeral, and Dave potty trained him in one day. He was a little over 3 years old at the time. He was instantly night trained, and after a week he slept in underwear.

Dawson: A few months shy of 3. I had just given birth to the fourth boy who sent me on a tailspin. I was so overwhelmed, and having 3 kids in diapers? Yikes. So I started putting him in underwear. A few hours a day. I think I let him have 2 accidents per day and then gave up and put on a diaper. Within a week or two he was trained. Again, he was night trained immediately.

Potty training Henry. Oh boy. If you've seen Henry with a naked bum..... Cancel that. If you HAVEN'T seen Henry with a naked bum in the last month I would be surprised. A lady from Holland once told me that was how they potty trained their kids in her country. So I tried it. Of course I couldn't take him places like that, so he just got a few hours most days with a naked bum. He had NO accidents like that, so I would start thinking we were there, but he treated underpants like diapers. Yeah, we lost a few pairs of underpants to the unfortunate numero dos. I just threw those away. Yesterday he spent the entire day in underwear and had no accidents, and when I put him to bed he refused a diaper. (For those who know Henry, you know how hard it is to argue with him. He is SO strong willed) So I figured it was worth a try. Since Isaac and Dawson did so well I thought there was a good chance. He woke up dry this morning. He came and laid in bed with me, and then after a few minutes, he got up and went potty. I'm so proud! He is a month away from being 3. But I don't dare declare that he is potty trained. He's Henry, he throws curve balls frequently.

Some friends told us a few years back, that boys shouldn't potty train until they are 3. That they have more accidents if they potty train earlier. And my boys have all potty trained around that age and never really had accidents after that.

Wish me luck! And dryness.

You wouldn't believe

2010-09-20T11:06:00.002-06:00

how often we get our kids names mixed up. And that sometimes, we even confuse who they are. For example, I just heard noises like Henry was playing with his guys on the windowsill and in the blinds. So I yelled over to him, "Henry, Dorothy is tired. Look, she fell asleep." (I'm trying to convince him that Wizard of Oz is cool, and I'm losing) But as I turned my head back I made eye contact with him, about 2 feet away from me. I tilted my head to the side thoughtfully and realized that the body I yelled at was G. Jesse. Whoops. But don't worry, G. is done playing in the blinds, now he has the phone off the hook, and is having a fabulous jibberish conversation with the dial tone. They are telling each other really funny jokes, because every few seconds he laughs, and then he starts talking again. It's amazing how many different ways he can say "da-da" to formulate a conversation.

Back on topic, we frequently go through the list, "Isaac, Da-Henry." And Dave just flat out calls them the wrong name and doesn't even notice it. Did you change Daws? No Dave, Dawson has been potty trained for 18 months now.

I was just trying to hang up the boys' winter clothes. I had a really hard time deciding which clothes go to which boy. They are just so close in age/size. I love it though!

On random news....

Henry is potty trained, only with a naked bum. With underpants on he has accidents, naked he is 100%. Any advice on how to transition that?

G. Jesse learned how to say "nana" and demands bananas all day long. He gets really angry if I don't have any.

I got sick, my throat has never really stopped hurting from the surgery, so I'm in a lot of pain right now.

My mom is under contract to buy a house up here, which means she may be moving up here within just a few weeks. Woohooo!

We bought season tickets to Aggie football this year, and have been having a blast going to the games with Trisha and her kids.

My baby sister moved up here to go to school, and I love having her around. She is doing so well, and I'm so proud of her. I wish her the greatest success, and I'm thrilled to spend time with her.

Pickleville Christmas Show

2010-09-15T17:29:00.002-06:00

Tickets are for sale. Please come with us. We think it will be such a fun tradition. Call 435-755-0968 for tickets. We are going November 26th. Call today so you can get good seats. That includes you, Mom.

Random Thoughts

2010-09-14T10:04:00.003-06:00

There is nothing that will make you stress over every sore or bump you have in your mouth quite like having a sister die of oral cancer. I'm always sure I've got it.

My baby has been trying to cut his molars since June. I think he might win the "longest teether" award.

Henry is tiny.

I've been doing a diaper survey where they gave me free diapers and then pay me $10 to complete a survey on them. No problem.

My cell phone corrects my text for me, for example, if I type "u" it puts in "you." I sometimes forget my computer doesn't do that.

I'm having a major laundry crisis, and it's completely my fault. Maybe I should go work on it instead of blogging.

Isaac grows too fast. I bought him all the wrong size of jeans this year, which isn't terrible because they will get used by another Low boy before too long, but means I need to buy him new jeans for Christmas or something.

I have a wish list that is too long.

I brought my dad's convertible up here to sell, and Dave fell in love with it. Soooooo, he is doing everything in his power to buy it.

Anyone want to buy our boat? http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=218&ad=12412537&cat=147
334 people have looked at that ad in the last 12 hours. I think the boat will sell, and Dave will buy his Camaro

We will be using my mom's boat now, she is going to park it at our house and let us use it as long as we take her boating regularly. I think we can handle that.

What's with me and cats?

2010-09-12T19:54:00.002-06:00

I was laying on the couch playing a game with Dawson and I heard a meow. I told Isaac I thought I heard a cat. He went and got G. Jesse out of his crib. Last I checked G. didn't sound like a cat. So they went to the backdoor and didn't see a cat. I went to the front door and opened it only a crack and a cat ran in. The cat made itself comfortable, wandering around. It was weird. But I was scared because my neighbor got bit by one of the siblings of the kitten I rescued. So I jumped on the couch and started screaming/crying. With the door open, so all my neighbors could hear. I should add that Henry had JUST gotten out of the bath and was naked. I told Isaac to run and get my neighbor, and naturally Dawson followed as well as naked Henry. The neighbor came back and picked up the cat for me (I'm NOT an animal person). It was very friendly, obviously someone's house cat. But we have no idea whose? It's still a pretty small kitten, a little bigger than the siblings the one I gave away.

Why do these things happen to me? I don't know anyone else who has cat experiences quite like mine. It's very strange.

Isaac

2010-09-09T08:50:00.002-06:00

Isaac is one amazing child. He really is. I think he just came that way. He has a very strong spirit. However, when we have our moments with him, we really have our moments. Last night he chose to (as my dad would say) "Go down with his ship." He wasn't going to give up. Even when we gave him opportunities to have a second chance he wouldn't take them because "Mom already told me to go to my room." So in the midst of his "moment" last night, he was grounded from the computer for 3 days. Isaac always wakes up before me, and entertains himself until I get up. But do you think I remembered in my groggy state this morning that he was grounded? I didn't.

But HE DID. And he put in a DVD to watch on the tv when he woke up. I came out here wanting to squish him, I was so proud. He really is a good kid. I love him SO much.

He is loving 1st grade, and so am I. The homework so far has been way easier than Kindergarten. The all day thing hasn't been too hard for either of us yet. Yesterday ,when I brought Dawson home from preschool, I expected Isaac to be home like last year. I was sad for a minute. But really, it's been great. Dawson and Henry have played together all day, which is fun.

Have I ever mentioned that I love having four boys super close? They are best friends, they seriously don't ever need playdates. They play together all the time, and 90% of the time they play great, the other 10% they fight like crazy. Last year I was pulling out my hair, wondering what I had done having these kids so close. But this year I am having a blast with these boys being so close.

Last week Dawson asked me if I was sick again. I asked him if he was sick of me getting sick. He didn't seem to care. I told the boys that some day (WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY off in the future) I would get another baby in my tummy and they make me sick for a super long time. (Seriously, I'm not pregnant even though I do look it, I promise it's just called over-eating) They all got excited thinking I was pregnant now. I told them not for awhile, but they all can't wait for another baby.

Isaac (Mr. Philosopher) says, "So what if you get a girl baby?" I turned around and looked at him with a disgusted face and said, "Ugggh what would we do with a girl?" He says, "I know, I don't want to have like makeup and stuff in my house." (Forget the fact that I am a girl and have makeup in his house) I said, "Yeah and where would we put all the barbies and dolls and stuff?"

The boys all agreed that we should stay a boy family, and I must admit I am just fine with that. I cried my eyes out with G. but I'm thrilled with the thought of 6 boys now. But I am still not ready for another baby. I'm enjoying my life right now so much.

One last thing about Isaac. He is gone for so much of the day, and there are already many messes when he shows up after school. He knows it, it's pretty tough to trick Isaac. But he helps clean up all the messes before bedtime, even though he knows that he barely contributed to the messes. I didn't say he does it cheerfully every day, some days he complains like crazy, but I'm proud of him for doing it.

I think Isaac will turn out to be an amazing person when he grows up.

First day again

2010-09-08T08:47:00.005-06:00

Crush: Oh, it's awesome, Jellyman. The little dudes are just eggs, we leave 'em on a beach to hatch, and then, coo-coo-cachoo, they find their way back to the big ol' blue.

I felt like it was best described by Crush. Okay, maybe not. But I guess I'm putting them on the beach to hatch, and they always find their way home. I like the idea of them hatching. It's fun to have them learning and coming out of their shells. For example. Last year, first day of preschool, Dawson FREAKED OUT. And kind of for a month or two, and every once in awhile for the rest of the year. :) Today he got in the car of a woman he's not even sure who she is, with a little girl he knows only from church, and he was just fine. It seems to me that a year of preschool really helped him hatch. I can't wait to see his progress this year.

Have I mentioned how cute and sweet this boy is? He really is.

Here he is in the car with his new school friend Taylor. And those little brown eyes peeking out next to Taylor's head belong to the little boy who was born 45 minutes before G. Jesse. Maybe they'll go to preschool together too!

Have a great day at school Dawson! LOVE YOU!

Christmas Show

2010-09-04T12:08:00.002-06:00

This is an invite to anyone reading this:

We had so much fun at the Pickleville Playhouse shows this summer! Dave took the boys again last night. It takes a lot to captivate my young boys, but they LOVE these shows. They think it is so funny, and it's nice having the close feeling of a small audience. One of the amazing things about Pickleville is the Davis family. The whole family has incredible musical talent! Kinda like the Von Trapp family or something. They are extremely entertaining to watch. It makes me jealous, I want my boys to be talented like that! T.J. Davis is the writer of Bandito. Did you know that they have a Christmas show? It's up at Utah State, so you don't have to drive Logan canyon in the winter. T.J. is also the writer of the Christmas show. He is so gifted. We literally were laughing until our guts hurt during Bandito, it is so clever, and the music is fabulous. Dave and I are not really theatrical people, but this is enjoyable for anyone.

So to kick off the Christmas season, we are taking our family to the Pickleville Christmas show, the day after Thanksgiving. You know, the day everyone is bored. Do you want to come with us? I PROMISE you will be entertained. And laugh a lot.

The tickets aren't for sale yet. But I wanted to plant the idea so that if you want to come you can buy your tickets and get good seats by us.

After the show you can come to our house and have hot chocolate. It will be fun.

I'll keep you posted, and when the tickets go on sale hopefully we'll have a fun little group together to get tickets.

One thing I love about the Pickleville shows is the first come first serve ticketing. That means that for the same price, you can get awesome seats if you buy your tickets early.

Dave says: It says in the last Article of Faith that if "there is anything that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." TJ's plays are all of the above! When there is entertainment that meets those criteria, we should "seek after" it. Thanks Davis Family and Pickleville Family for providing "praiseworthy" entertainment worthy of "seeking after."

Also, there are a few more showings of Bandito this summer if you want to catch it, you won't be sorry. Check out www.picklevilleplayhouse.com

Sometimes it's like getting kicked in the stomach by a horse

2010-09-03T09:16:00.003-06:00

There, I've done it. You see this happened to me about a week before my dad died. I was downstairs working in my basement, and it was like my breath was taken away. I doubled over, cringed my face and then the tears began. I sobbed. For a few minutes. Then I pulled myself together, stood back up, wiped off my face, and went back to work. I had no idea what brought that on. It's almost as if your brain spends a lot of energy blocking out the knowledge that you don't have your loved one with you, and every once in awhile it needs a break. And while the blocking out feature is busy re-booting, you are left with pain. Intense pain. My mom says it's called a grief burst. And we all have them. Always at different times.

My computer isn't working. It completely freezes up, sometimes after only a few minutes of using it, sometimes only once a day. I'm pretty sure it's a simple fix. But my daddy is gone. So he can't fix it for me. It's like this constant reminder to me that he's not here. It's not fair. I'm gonna buy a mac.

I was thinking the other day that there are so many good, old people. Who are so sick, and could accomplish so much more on the other side. I just wish the Lord would have taken one of them, instead of my healthy dad, who is so needed here, and who was still accomplishing so much on this side. I still would like to dispute the death. Submit the paperwork, and see if they could find that it really wasn't fair. I'd go to court. I'd hire a really expensive attorney, and spend weeks in court with witnesses and flowcharts and spreadsheets, and I'd prove that we really need him here. Or that we really want him here. That he has a wife and 5 kids here, and two kids still living at home who need a dad. I bet I would win.

It's been a harder week for my mom and Kate too. We need to be closer. Will someone please buy my mom's house?

Every time my mom calls, her facebook profile picture of her and my dad pops up. And I want to ask her if he's still gone. If it really happened. But I don't have to, because I know.

I will NEVER forget that phone call. I was sitting at my kitchen table with Dave. We were putting together the mount for our projector downstairs. It was tricky. I almost called my dad to ask him a question about it. He ALWAYS answered. My cell phone was in the car. So my landline rang. Caller ID said "BIADA, LAUREN." But when I answered it, a man said "Hello." Which was strange. He said, "Erica, this is Ken Romney. I think you know who I am, right?"

Of course I do. Then he said those words. The words that you never want to hear over the phone. Those words that cannot be reversed. The words that are so final, you never get to hope, or pray, or exercise faith to change them. You cannot give a priesthood blessing, nor can you consult with doctors on what your options are. It's too late.

"I just spoke with the Wyoming State Coroner's Office and they confirmed that your dad passed away today."

And just like that, your life is forever changed.

And now I look at family pictures and see three people who aren't here anymore. And I look at pictures from when I was little, ones that my mom took of my dad and my sisters and I. I'm the only one left.

And I'm sorry, but that is just not normal.

And if given the chance, I would give back all the blessings and miracles that have/will happened because of this trial if I could have them back and healthy.

But since that isn't an option, I'm VERY grateful for the blessings and miracles that we have been given to help us through, because I do recognize that we cannot make it through this alone.

So most of the time I am really happy. I am usually very thankful to not have other people's trials, I see that lots of other people have much harder things in life. Every once in awhile I'm mad at him for leaving us, and I glare at him when I see his picture. And then very rarely, out of the blue, it's like getting kicked in the stomach by a horse. Thank Heavens that doesn't happen often.

(The picture that pops up when my mom calls)

Suppress

2010-09-02T10:33:00.003-06:00

To Suppress means to forcibly put an end to. There is a certain blog post. That I really want to do. I almost wrote the post a few days before my dad died. I started to write the post once. And now, for some strange reason, I realize I have been trying to suppress this urge to write this blog post for awhile. I don't know why I don't want to write it. Maybe because I feel like I should be sick of being a "tragic" person as my sisters call it. But I'm not sick of that. I talked to my mom today. We are all kind of on the same page. The post is called "Sometimes it's like being kicked in the stomach by a horse." Maybe that's why I've never written it. It sounds a little bit dramatic. But it's true. And if you've lost someone close to you, you know I'm right, don't you? Maybe I'll write the post tomorrow. And try to keep it not too dramatic or tragic. I like to be happy.

G. Jesse

2010-09-02T08:35:00.002-06:00

He is really cute. And really big. But he is in a C-R-A-Z-Y stage. He is rivaling my Isaac at that age who was really crazy too. It's hard to compare them because Isaac didn't have anyone else to play with, so really I'm leaning towards G. baby being the crazier.

Whatever the case is, he makes a lot of mischief. He takes advantage of any opportunity to get into the dishwasher, the garbage, the toilet, out the door, or spilling/throwing any type of food or drink. A few weeks ago he was so easy. Not anymore.

When G. Jesse was born (in the car) my friend told me that her children were like their deliveries. I've heard other people say that. Well, it's hard for a newborn to seem like they are in a hurry. But it's quite easy for an 18 month old. So I would definitely say that he is matching up to his delivery now! This kid is always in a hurry to get to the next bit of trouble. He would just like everyone to get out of the way so he can just do his thing.

He has a little bit of an evil side to him. The other day I was mopping my floor and all my boys know they have to stay off the floor when I mop. So naturally that is where G. gravitates to. So he came over and was stomping/dancing on the wet part with this evil little grin on him and his nose all crinkled up. He thought it was hilarious. Then he slipped and fell on his bottom and I didn't feel sorry for him one bit! Naughty boy.

I still love my G. man, but I'm wishing away the next few months so we can hopefully get through this crazy stage!

Strange Trimester

2010-08-31T12:17:00.002-06:00

The strange thing about this trimester is that Dave is teaching early morning (a bad idea, he is always so tired when he teaches early morning) so he can come home between 2:30 and 3:30 and that Isaac gets home at 3:45 off the bus. So my husband gets home before my son. Weird. Yesterday was the first day ever that Dave saw Isaac come home from school. Although I like having Dave home early, and I like having him here when Isaac gets home, I'd rather him not teach early morning seminary next tri.

Whatever the case. I'd like to announce to the world that I adore my boys. I have a great husband, and four ridiculously cute boys. I'm amazed with them every day. They are so fun.

The end.

My favorite short story for my friend Mindy- (I want 400 gold stars for this one)

2010-08-31T08:45:00.003-06:00

I love this story. This story makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want people to think of me as a "Rowan." And it kind of makes me want to name my next boy Rowan.

In all this Cuban business there is one man stands out on the horizon of my memory like Mars at perihelion. When war broke out between Spain & the United States, it was very necessary to communicate quickly with the leader of the Insurgents. Garcia was somewhere in the mountain vastness of Cuba- no one knew where. No mail nor telegraph message could reach him. The President must secure his cooperation, and quickly.

What to do!

Some one said to the President, "There’s a fellow by the name of Rowan will find Garcia for you, if anybody can."

Rowan was sent for and given a letter to be delivered to Garcia. How "the fellow by the name of Rowan" took the letter, sealed it up in an oil-skin pouch, strapped it over his heart, in four days landed by night off the coast of Cuba from an open boat, disappeared into the jungle, & in three weeks came out on the other side of the Island, having traversed a hostile country on foot, and delivered his letter to Garcia, are things I have no special desire now to tell in detail.

The point I wish to make is this: McKinley gave Rowan a letter to be delivered to Garcia; Rowan took the letter and did not ask, "Where is he at?" By the Eternal! there is a man whose form should be cast in deathless bronze and the statue placed in every college of the land. It is not book-learning young men need, nor instruction about this and that, but a stiffening of the vertebrae which will cause them to be loyal to a trust, to act promptly, concentrate their energies: do the thing- "Carry a message to Garcia!"

General Garcia is dead now, but there are other Garcias.

No man, who has endeavored to carry out an enterprise where many hands were needed, but has been well nigh appalled at times by the imbecility of the average man- the inability or unwillingness to concentrate on a thing and do it. Slip-shod assistance, foolish inattention, dowdy indifference, & half-hearted work seem the rule; and no man succeeds, unless by hook or crook, or threat, he forces or bribes other men to assist him; or mayhap, God in His goodness performs a miracle, & sends him an Angel of Light for an assistant. You, reader, put this matter to a test: You are sitting now in your office- six clerks are within call.

Summon any one and make this request: "Please look in the encyclopedia and make a brief memorandum for me concerning the life of Correggio".

Will the clerk quietly say, "Yes, sir," and go do the task?

On your life, he will not. He will look at you out of a fishy eye and ask one or more of the following questions:

Who was he?

Which encyclopedia?

Where is the encyclopedia?

Was I hired for that?

Don’t you mean Bismarck?

What’s the matter with Charlie doing it?

Is he dead?

Is there any hurry?

Shan’t I bring you the book and let you look it up yourself?

What do you want to know for?

And I will lay you ten to one that after you have answered the questions, and explained how to find the information, and why you want it, the clerk will go off and get one of the other clerks to help him try to find Garcia- and then come back and tell you there is no such man. Of course I may lose my bet, but according to the Law of Average, I will not.

Now if you are wise you will not bother to explain to your "assistant" that Correggio is indexed under the C’s, not in the K’s, but you will smile sweetly and say, "Never mind," and go look it up yourself.

And this incapacity for independent action, this moral stupidity, this infirmity of the will, this unwillingness to cheerfully catch hold and lift, are the things that put pure Socialism so far into the future. If men will not act for themselves, what will they do when the benefit of their effort is for all? A first-mate with knotted club seems necessary; and the dread of getting "the bounce" Saturday night, holds many a worker to his place.

Advertise for a stenographer, and nine out of ten who apply, can neither spell nor punctuate- and do not think it necessary to.

Can such a one write a letter to Garcia?

"You see that bookkeeper," said the foreman to me in a large factory.

"Yes, what about him?"

"Well he’s a fine accountant, but if I’d send him up town on an errand, he might accomplish the errand all right, and on the other hand, might stop at four saloons on the way, and when he got to Main Street, would forget what he had been sent for."

Can such a man be entrusted to carry a message to Garcia?

We have recently been hearing much maudlin sympathy expressed for the "downtrodden denizen of the sweat-shop" and the "homeless wanderer searching for honest employment," & with it all often go many hard words for the men in power.

Nothing is said about the employer who grows old before his time in a vain attempt to get frowsy ne’er-do-wells to do intelligent work; and his long patient striving with "help" that does nothing but loaf when his back is turned. In every store and factory there is a constant weeding-out process going on. The employer is constantly sending away "help" that have shown their incapacity to further the interests of the business, and others are being taken on. No matter how good times are, this sorting continues, only if times are hard and work is scarce, the sorting is done finer- but out and forever out, the incompetent and unworthy go.

It is the survival of the fittest. Self-interest prompts every employer to keep the best- those who can carry a message to Garcia.

I know one man of really brilliant parts who has not the ability to manage a business of his own, and yet who is absolutely worthless to any one else, because he carries with him constantly the insane suspicion that his employer is oppressing, or intending to oppress him. He cannot give orders; and he will not receive them. Should a message be given him to take to Garcia, his answer would probably be, "Take it yourself."

Tonight this man walks the streets looking for work, the wind whistling through his threadbare coat. No one who knows him dare employ him, for he is a regular fire-brand of discontent. He is impervious to reason, and the only thing that can impress him is the toe of a thick-soled No. 9 boot.

Of course I know that one so morally deformed is no less to be pitied than a physical cripple; but in our pitying, let us drop a tear, too, for the men who are striving to carry on a great enterprise, whose working hours are not limited by the whistle, and whose hair is fast turning white through the struggle to hold in line dowdy indifference, slip-shod imbecility, and the heartless ingratitude, which, but for their enterprise, would be both hungry & homeless.

Have I put the matter too strongly? Possibly I have; but when all the world has gone a-slumming I wish to speak a word of sympathy for the man who succeeds- the man who, against great odds has directed the efforts of others, and having succeeded, finds there’s nothing in it: nothing but bare board and clothes.

I have carried a dinner pail & worked for day’s wages, and I have also been an employer of labor, and I know there is something to be said on both sides. There is no excellence, per se, in poverty; rags are no recommendation; & all employers are not rapacious and high-handed, any more than all poor men are virtuous.

My heart goes out to the man who does his work when the "boss" is away, as well as when he is at home. And the man who, when given a letter for Garcia, quietly take the missive, without asking any idiotic questions, and with no lurking intention of chucking it into the nearest sewer, or of doing aught else but deliver it, never gets "laid off," nor has to go on a strike for higher wages. Civilization is one long anxious search for just such individuals. Anything such a man asks shall be granted; his kind is so rare that no employer can afford to let him go. He is wanted in every city, town and village- in every office, shop, store and factory. The world cries out for such: he is needed, & needed badly- the man who can carry a message to Garcia.

Weekender

2010-08-30T08:54:00.007-06:00

My hubby whisked me away for a long, scandalous date at the lake this weekend. He has been planning it for quite some time now, typing up itineraries, tweaking itineraries.... you know, doing the Dave Low thing.

My wonderful mother, sister, and brother stayed at our house and took care of our boys. The boys were in heaven.

When I was in California, Dave took my boys to the Pickleville Playhouse to see Bandito Rides Again. My boys loved it. The couldn't stop talking about it, and Isaac practically memorized the play. I've never been to the Pickleville Playhouse before. Dave taught some of the children of the owners, and most of the cast. So it was especially fun for him.

So when he planned this date, he got tickets for both Bandito (the melodrama) and Crazy for You. They were both fabulous, and extremely entertaining. We laughed almost the whole time. I had no idea I was missing out all these years at Bear Lake by not going to Pickleville.

Friday night we arrived in Garden City and ate at Cafe Sabor. It's one of my favorite restaurants ever. Then we went to the play. It was fabulous.

We slept at the Low Family Cabin (really a house) and in the morning we went Four Wheeling and Jetskiing. Unfortunately it was pretty windy and I hated the jetskiing. It's funny now, looking back, my ears hurt, I was cold and wet, and we hit a big wave. Water filled up my eye and bent back my eyelid. I started sobbing. Like a baby. Dave started laughing. Promising me we were almost back, but laughing. I couldn't stop crying and he couldn't stop laughing. It was pretty funny. I was so happy to be back. We packed up and left, and got in the hot tub at the cabin, and I was much happier. We cleaned up, ate dinner, and went to Bandito. It was a lot of fun. We grabbed a raspberry shake and drove home.

I love my sweet husband for planning this fun little getaway for me. Thanks Dave! And Mom!

Californ-I-A

2010-08-27T09:07:00.018-06:00

After Aimee died we started planning the Aimee life celebration trip. It was wonderful. In pretty much every way. We had something to look forward to while we planned it. We got a fantastic trip. We spent time together without distractions. We did things together that we had never done before. And we made memories that will last forever. We gave all the credit to Aimee. It was completely her idea. And she paid for it.

Well, this time there was absolutely no warning of death. No one has ever been more sure they would live. My dad had relatively nothing in place in case he died. He KNEW he would outlive my mom. So naturally, there was no plan for what to do when he died.

But come on. We're educated. We're travel saavy. We can come up with our own trip. And after those few months of death, and birth, and spending every waking moment picking up the pieces that my dad left behind, there was NO ONE ON EARTH who needed a trip more than my mom. She had been through so much, I can barely comprehend it looking back. Notwithstanding the fact that our other family members were experiencing much along with her. And I was trying to raise four young boys, finish a basement almost singlehandedly (Dave did help, but he is always so busy it's hard to find time with him), and coach my mom through a large percentage of figuring out her new life. I spent 1-2 days a week in Bountiful helping her clean out her house, figure out finances, paint, plan, and just keep going. I was so proud of her, she worked so hard. And she would sit down and rest sometimes while I worked and then she would get back up and keep going when I told her not to. While I did coach her through lots of things, she spent a lot of hours figuring out things herself, which she had NEVER, EVER done before.

So amidst all the working we began to plan our relief vacation. Of course, while Dad didn't plan the vacation for us, we used his hard earned Marriott points and his hard earned money to pay for it. We enjoyed planning the vacation. We felt a small bit of relief amidst the craziness when we remembered we had it ahead of us. And when it came........ It.was.awesome!

Mari wanted to go to Phoenix for a few weeks to visit her friends, so she wasn't there. Josh went to visit his teacher who moved to St. George, and had a wonderful time, they spoiled him rotten. And we went to Californ-I-A.

Although we have lived in the West for 18 years, for some reason the Biada family still thinks they are East Coasters. The Biada family has never taken a trip to Disneyland. They always went to Disneyworld even when they lived in Utah. Our beach trips have always been tropical or Maine. We've never been on a California beach trip. Until now.

We packed up the Ford Taurus (still haven't sold Jessica's car :). We got in the Taurus with minimal belongings and drove to California. We enjoyed the drive so much. We could have driven there and back and had quite a nice trip just from the drive. We loved being together and talking and singing Indigo Girls.

We stopped half way, in Mesquite, NV. Lauren, showing off her fancy GPS, spoke to it and asked it to take us to the Virgin River. We started driving and within a few miles we really felt like we were headed to the middle of nowhere. We learned that Miss-Fancy-Pants-GPS was actually taking us to the river, you must specify the Virgin River HOTEL. We stayed at the world's BIGGEST dive there at the Virgin River Hotel for $24.99 a night. The tap was hot. Realllllllllly hot. There was no cold water option. So we brushed our teeth with hot water. Yuck. But we slept, woke, and drove on.

We got to our destination in Fountain Valley (Close to Huntington Beach) and went inside to check in. We had accidentally walked into the Courtyard Marriott instead of the Residence Inn. We drove next door to the Residence Inn and went to check in. Our reservation wasn't until the next night. Somehow my mom had gotten the dates wrong, which no one seemed to care about, we were just happy to be there. So we drove back over to the Courtyard Marriott, since it was cheaper. But after having gone in there already, we were a little embarrassed to go back in.

So I did what anyone would do, I disguised myself. I put on Lauren's big, thick, black glasses, put a cardigan over my shirt, pulled my hair up and put a big flower on the side, and walked slowly back in (Yeah, the glasses made me a little dizzy). We got ourselves a room, went to dinner at Macaroni Grill, (MMmmmmmm) and headed over to the beach.

We got in the hot tub that night where we learned that the next day was the first day of a HUGE surfing competition at Huntington Beach. So we drove up to Sunset Beach the next day, and had a wonderful time at the beach. It was beautiful, we jumped in the waves, buried our legs in the sand, and then got absolutely mesmerized by the ocean and lay there in a half-sleeping stupor while we all sunburned various parts of our body (except Lauren, her face was burned, but not real bad...... NOT FAIR). I had sunscreen on, but I failed to properly apply it to the back of my knees and a 1" strip of skin on my back that hung out where my shirt and my shorts gapped. Yeah, it hurt.

On Sunday we went to church and then Lauren, Kate and I drove out to see the Hollywood sign. After our lesson on the GPS, we just told the GPS to take us to the Hollywood sign and it did it. That place is crazy. I thought we lived on the bench here in Utah. They live on a cliff with narrow, winding roads that can barely fit 2 cars. It's a death wish. We went and explored Hollywood BLVD a little bit and learned it's pretty much a trash hole. Every third store front is a tattoo shop. Who on Earth is getting all those tattoos? The two stores in between the tattoo shops most likely sell Hookah or trashy lingerie. I was appalled. But there were some awesome malls, so we decided to go back the next day.

I found the perfect dress for me. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT, IS THAT CLEAR? Seriously, so I bought it and another awesome dress which I am saving for the cold weather. We did some other shopping around and then Lauren googled some places to go eat. She thought maybe there was a Serendipity in Los Angeles, so she asked her GPS to find Serendipity and was thrilled that there was one! We drove out to a rather odd location in the city, and tried to park. Most of the meters were broken, so I dropped them off and went all over the place looking for a working meter. I finally found one and made the long walk back to my family and we walked back to Serendipity. Yeah, well apparently "Serendipity" in Los Angeles is a drug store. Yeah. It was pretty funny. So we drove to the other mall we were planning to shop at and ate at the Cheesecake Factory, and how can you go wrong with that?

I was thinking that was pretty much the end of our story. We packed up and left the next day. The drive home was fairly uneventful.......

Um, not really. It was smooth sailing until we hit Provo. One minor detail about the Taurus. You see it is a 1999, but only has 60,000 miles on it. So it's quite a reliable car, but it is old enough to not have much value anymore. The gas gauge sensor is broken. So you never know how much gas you have in the Taurus. You can fill it up and the gas light will turn on. So we just filled up with gas approximately every 300 miles. We stopped about 100 miles South of Provo to fill up and we were hit with a ridiculous downpour/hail. No one dared get out of the car, so I braved the storm and filled up the car with gas. It was painful at first when it was hailing, but when I went out to put the cap back on, I got completely soaked in the quick run to throw the cap on, slam the little door and run back. I mean completely soaked, almost like I had jumped into a pool. I told my family not to expect the a/c on for the rest of the trip because I was cold, and if they wanted to be cool, they better hop out of the car for a second and join me in wetness. They didn't do it. I think it was a poor choice. They were probably pretty hot for awhile.

On the Freeway in Provo, in the midst of some nasty construction, the Taurus died. I was in the left lane, but even as I moved over to the right lane, there was no shoulder. Just barricades. Really close together barricades. The kind that tell you that they REALLY don't want you to ignore the barricades. As we approached to exit, we slowed down to 40 mph, and I knew I had no choice but to make my own shoulder. The barricades thinned out a bit by the exit and I pulled in between them. I was extremely blessed to notice the fact that the reason for the barricades was a 6 foot drop off, where the shoulder ought to have been. Yeah, not a hill. A perpendicular drop off. A 90 degree angle down. My front right tire was about 2 feet away from dropping off. We would have rolled.

We called a tow truck and found out very quickly that all rental car companies in Provo close at 6:00 pm. We were stranded. We called our friend Nathan Herbert, and he was so UNBELIEVABLY kind to pick us up and take us to West Bountiful.

We got a phone call the next day telling us that the Taurus ran out of gas. Yup. I guess in my rain-bucket-dodging haste I failed to notice that the gas turned off prematurely and we didn't get very much gas. The hail probably hit it and turned it off. All that trauma for nothing.

So that, my friends, is the end of the story. It was a wonderful trip, we loved it all, we got away from life, we were together. And here are the pictures:

At Grauman's Theatre

Our "breakdown" scene

If you click on this picture you can kinda see the dropoff. See that barricade under the cliff? Yup, it's straight down.

I sent my child away for approximately 7 hours

2010-08-26T08:45:00.012-06:00

5 days a week. Until June. Not counting Holidays.

My mother bear instincts kicked in. I almost ran onto the bus, chomped my teeth onto his neck and dragged him home. Okay, not quite, but I did change my mind. I wanted him to come back. I mouthed I.Love.You. to him on the bus and he nodded his head as if to say, "I know." And then as they drove away he waved to me, for a long time. It was sweet. And now he's gone.

I don't feel good about this. This is way too long. He will come home, do his homework, eat dinner and go to bed. No more fun in life. I don't have the heart to tell him that, but he will figure it out soon. My baby. They want to keep him from me all day.

Where did Kindergarten go? Kindergarten was so perfect. They took him on a bus for me, fed him lunch, and brought him home. We had the rest of the day together.

I am reminded of a letter I read when I was pregnant with Isaac. It is a letter written on the night before delivery by Vanessa Sands to her unborn child. She says this:

"Now starts the first, most heartbreaking lesson of parenting, learned anew with every newborn child: to love completely, we must first let go."

I guess it's a lesson I have learned before. Every time I deliver a baby I reluctantly give up the one and only thing that I enjoy about pregnancy: that no one else has ever held my baby. No other human has ever touched that baby. My baby. And once he comes out, a countless number of people will hold, talk to, and impact that child for the rest of his life.

To love completely we must first let go. And so we ship our children off on a big, yellow school bus and give them the opportunity to be impacted, whether it be for good or bad. And we can't control it once they're there. But we do it so they can grow, and learn, and progress in life. Which ultimately makes us burst with pride as parents. So I guess it all comes back to selfish motives.

So happy first day of first grade Isaac. And YES, it will be hard. YES, I remember how hard first grade was. YES, the day will be long. YES, you will come home better and smarter than you left that morning. And YES, I will burst with pride as I see your progress.

Isaac seeing his desk for the first time.

Isaac's teacher Mrs. Miller. She is wonderful. I've heard only the best things about her. She is happy and sweet and Isaac will love her guts. Isaac has some of the very best behaved children in his class from our neighborhood, I think Mrs. Miller will have a great class this year. I'm happy for her! And thrilled that Isaac is in this class. Today he is sitting next to his long time friend Reese, they've been friends since they were babies. I hope he behaves well.

Stopping to say hi to the neighbor girls.

At the bus stop

Isn't he big??????!!!!!!

Running to get on the bus

Come back Isaac!!!!! Let's homeschool!

Only a child could

2010-08-26T07:34:00.004-06:00

Come crawl in your bed at 7:00 am...... Fall out of your bed at 7:20 am...... And sleep right there on the floor through your 7:30 am alarm even when you run into the room and turn off the alarm.

I'ts 7:34 am and Henry George is STILL asleep on my floor.

Eyes that Glow

2010-08-25T16:20:00.002-06:00

There are a select few of you out there who know why I named this post the way I did. The rest of you can take it literally because these boys' eyes really do glow. These are completely unedited shots of my boys that I got today. If you click on the pictures to make them bigger you will see how piercing blue their eyes are. Which means that 50% of my mission was accomplished. The other 50% was to get them brown hair. Darn. But at least they have their daddy's eyes.

Henry ALWAYS has a dirty face......

2010-08-21T15:59:00.000-06:00

and I steal as many kisses from that dirty face as I can.